Well, at times it was as painful as giving birth to a flaming porcupine, but finally, we have the results...thank to all who participated:

Down the street from me lives a (bicycle) named (Saddam). (Saddam) has a friend (Vivian) who (slaloms) (dogs) with a large (fish) for a living.

One day, the two friends got in a (Denmark) and went to (hell) in order to (berate). There they met a (fluffy) (cow) named (Soggy) (Snoop). They sat down on a (potato) and served (lascivious) (turnips) on whole wheat bread while (bombastically) (leaping) their (dinosaur). They had a great time (completing) each other.

*****
"Soggy Snoop" is soooo the name of my next/first pet. "Leaping" one's "dinosaur" sounds deliciously dirty. And I didn't see the "Jerry Maguire" ending coming, either.