Upset with the lack of quality programming exemplified by shows like “Friends” and “ER”, NBC is jumping into the reality show fray with a show called “Who Wants to Marry My Mom?”. According to NBC, the show...
“….will feature the adult children of single mothers choosing among several candidates to decide who gets to go with their mom on a fantasy vacation.”
First of all, a world of eww. Don't get me wrong, I am all for single moms getting back into the fray and getting their groove back, but how many shots of the kids looking at these guys going, “But….but you’re not Daddy!” can one really take? Or worse, you’ll have interviews with the kids saying stuff like, “Well, this guy doesn’t inject syringes between his toes, so yea, he’s not like Dad that way.” Better yet, they can install a confessional for the kids right next to the bedroom, so they can potentially hear the very process by which they themselves were conceived. That’s family-tastic!
I mean, how many shows can there possibly be coming down the pipeline? Can we go further than "Joe Millionaire" and "Am I Hot?" If the appetite for these shows is any indication, then the answer is certainly yes. Given the shorter and shorter runs of these shows it’s taking 3-4 reality shows to match the typical 22-24 episode run of your average sit come or drama. What shows are coming up next? I'd like to humbly propose a few to any network executives reading this today---feel free to send royalty checks to this address.
“Who Wants to Knock Up My Daughter?”
---$10,000 to the first guy to successfully impregnate the budding flower of a family.
“Who Wants to Take a Hit from Grandma’s Bong?”
---$25,000 to the person who convinces Congress to legalize medicinal marijuana.
“When Anna Nicole Attacks!”
---10 couples stay in a mansion with a butler, Jeff Probst, and Anna Nicole Smith. The last couple not eaten by Smith wins.
“Big Brother---The Home Game!”
---All of America tries to figure out how many ways the Total Information Act has ruined the privacy of their lives. They can watch the show’s web site for updates on other people’s Social Security numbers, criminal history, current location (via cybernetic implants provided by the government), and favorite flavor of ice cream. Winners? What winners?
“The Weakest Mink”
----50 members of PETA hunt supermodel Giselle, who’s been left alone and abandoned in the woods. The first person who finds her gets to skin her alive and offer her carcass as a sacrifice to the Animal Gods in a pagan ceremony to be held during Sweeps Period.
“Trading Races”
---Two couples decide to switch ethnicities with their neighbors over the period of a weekend. Hilarity (and racial prejudice) ensues.
“Beer Factor”
---Broadcasting from a different fraternity each week, the winner of the contest is the one who wakes up next to the ugliest woman the following morning. An extra $500 for each alcohol-erased memory. Fantasy leagues will be available; points given for each character who says things like, "Where am I?", "Who the hell are you?", or "Oh Sweet Jesus, what have I done?"
“Blind Diplomacy”
---Two diplomats, looking for world peace and a little bootay, meet for the first time to see if they (and their nations) can hit it off. Closed off from the world, forced into tight, cramped spaces, working out all that international aggression…who knows what can happen? Witty thought bubbles written by Ari Fleischer. Soundtrack by Barry White (“Can't Get Enough of Your Détente, Baby!”)
What shows do you think they’ll come up with next?
Posted by Ryan McGee at February 13, 2003 11:19 PM