Ryan Thomas McGee
Cambridge, MA
E-mail: ryanmcgee@post.harvard.edu
Age: 27
Height: 6’5’’
Weight: 245 lbs
Hair: On Good Days, Yes

Objective:

To engage in a series of encounters on a social level which eventually leads to my status as your boyfriend.

Professional Experience:

• Experience in many types of relationships: monogamous, non-so-monogamous, and “Dear Lord, Hose Yourself Down”


• Ability to adapt to many different challenges, from opening a tough jar lid to helping you get into your dress for the Oscars.


• Given my height, I can reach many tall shelves. Then again, you can probably ninja-chop them down, so nevermind.


• Have been told by my mother that I am quite the catch.


• Experience with movie stars: Managed to almost kind of woo Drew Barrymore with an ill-timed castrati joke.


• Nearly 12 months of drooling over you have adequately prepared me for this opportunity. I even watched “Dude, Where’s My Car?” when it was on STARZ. Come on! If that doesn't earn me at least the right to treat you to a mocchiato, I don't know what does.

• I can insert song lyrics into any conversation, even when you don’t ask for them.


• I once almost juggled two balls at once.


• I can alphabetize your CD collection. Or your spice rack. Or your Fraggle Rock collection.


• I can sing just about any song completely out of key.


• This one time, at band camp…


• Skills? What “skills”? I got skillz! Just look below!

References:

Available upon request. Well, at least from the few who still acknowledge my existence.