I’m a firm believer in karma.
Not fate. Karma. Fate implies that I have no autonomy in my actions, which is just too awful to think about. Karma, however, can give you a good bitch slap while you’re off trying to do your own thang. It doesn’t alter your fate, but it can make it a lot harder to achieve one’s end goal.
Many things can affect one’s karma…most often, something you did which you regret comes back like a boomerang and lops you upside the head. Or, as is this week, certain people can just set off chain reactions of utter crap in your life.
Now, I’m usually one to own up to my own inadequacies; hell, this weblog is full of accounts of them. But it’s my pity party, and I can cry if I want to, so I’m blaming someone else. It’s fun being occasionally immature; but more to the point, it’s about realizing, unlike Hamlet, that everything really isn’t my fault, darnit. Of course Person X isn’t responsible for my descent into a big ball of blah, but it’s a marking point for me, nonetheless.
About time to pull myself up out of it, though. Annoyed enough people this week already. Have the match out and about to burn some bridges. Problem is: I’m not an arsonist by heart. So, time to take stock of the positives. Yes, a daily freakin’ affirmation. I hate me too, right about now. Darn. Bad Ryan. No hate, only love. Yoda senses much fear in me. Drat.
So, onto the goodness:
1) I’m taking a long-in-coming trip back to NYC next weekend. Off to see the Commander, the patron saint of TBTO, possibly all of the UNICEF Triumverate, and a gaggle of others. Yea, it’s gonna cost me some coin, but man, I need to get out of this city for a weekend.
2) This woman actually lives and breaths.
And if you think I’m seeing “Pirates of the Caribbean” for Johnny Depp, you’re so sadly mistaken. Once I actually see this movie, she may be Top 5 material, but since I haven’t seen “Bend It Like Beckham” yet, I have nothing to hang on the pretty face and slammin’ bod yet.
3) ....
4) Sorry, still stuck on the Keira Knightley picture. Gimmee a moment. OK, while we’re in the moment, let me just throw this out there: I don’t get “Playboy”, “Penthouse”, “Hustler”, “Big Jugs”, “Girls on Horseback in Nude”, or any and all other variations. Air-brushed pics of women I don’t know? Dull. Picture of Kiera in that outfit? Pretty great. Pictures of Jennifer Garner in a white tee and jeans? Even better. A girl I actually know and crush on in a white tee in jeans? Heaven. Hope I’ve cleared that up.
5) Seth Green. Between watching basically off of Season 4 of “Buffy” on the Fourth of July, and seeing “The Italian Job” last night, he’s gotta be the new “I’ll See Anything He’s In, No Matter How Crappy It Looks, Just Cuz He’s In It”. It was really slick of me to be loudly guffawing in a theatre of eight people last night, but who cares; Seth’s a genius. And I bet he’d look good in a white tee and jeans too. Hey, wait a sec…