I’m ever watchful for suggestions from you, the general readership, regarding content. Blogging can be an insular activity, cutting me off from the rest of the world. Then again, so can my life in general currently, so really, blogging isn’t hurting me much in that capacity.
I don’t get too many suggestions on a weekly basis, except when I get a series of “Why don’t you take a long walk off a short pier?” emails when I make fun of someone’s favorite band at the Grammys.
But the Commander, lo, he had a doozy last night for me.
He writes,
“Dear Ryan,
How I miss your sweet caresses in the night…”
Oh wait, sorry. That’s from another person entirely. My bad.
“Dear Ryan,
Work from home, making $2500 a week, with bigger breasts…”
Man, I hate spam.
OK, here we go. Found it.
“… an idea for when you're stuck for a blog idea: The Reverse List of Five, those members of the opposite sex (Hugh Jackman, Pierce Brosnan, etc.) so admired that if your significant other confessed a passionate affair with said person, your response would be some angry stammering, followed by a, "Well, I guess I can see that..."
Tim, great suggestion. Let’s get to work! Obviously, this following list is for academic purposes only, as who could look elsewhere when constantly basking in the glow that is the Ryan? Exactly. Just making that clear.
This is not in order, as I’m working through this as I type and sip my coffee. Let’s see how many names I can misspell. Play at home. The over/under is two, according to the latest Vegas odds.
Ewan McGregor
After “Moulin Rouge”, this guy might always be at the top of my list. I’ve never watched a movie and had such a “Oh, crap, I wanna be that guy” more in my life. (If you’re wondering, #2 is Maximus from “Gladiator”, #3 is Han Solo. #4, oddly enough, is the “I want my two dollars!” kid from “Better Off Dead”. OK, not really.) I wanna make a girl look at me the way Kidman looks at him during “Your Song”. This movie crystallizes why I wish I could sing a note. If he sang to my girlfriend, I’d probably book the Days Inn room for them. Damn.
Colin Farrell
He’s on my “Yes, I’m straight, but I see the damn appeal” list. Plus, he’s got an Irish accent, and I totally understand how sexy that is. (What I don’t understand are the seemingly many people who find Boston accents attractive. Just eludes me. How someone “pahkin’ a cah” can get your blood racing is a greater mystery than Andy Dick’s career.) Also, Colin gives you some nice Transitive Property action. Given the number and quality of women he’s shagged, by proxy, you yourself can claim two degrees of separation to some truly hot women once he’s whispered a few sweet nothings in your girlfriend’s ear after they’ve both has a bottle of Jameson’s each.
Bono
Not cuz he’s super good looking anymore. I just wanna brag that Bono shagged my girlfriend. That’s all. Moving on.
Hugh Jackman
I’ll take Tim’s suggestion here, even though the SOB did “Kate and Leopold” and almost committed cinematic castration right then and there. His portrayal of Wolverine completely grounds the two “X-Men” movies and he’s the type of character most women swoon over. C’mon, he’s bad-ass but won’t hurt kittens. Puh-lease! Also, he gives 5 o’clock shadow the best name since George Michaels in “Father Figure”. (Thank you, “I Love the 80’s”.) I am all about any guy who helps the rest of us look better for not having shaved.
Harrison Ford
He’s my “Lifetime Achievement Award” nominee. The man wears a hoop earring right now. Jesus Tap Dancin’ Christ, Kyle. That being said, it’d be a short leap for him at this point to go from Calista to my hunny-bunny, so he’s still in consideration. He may not look like much, kid, but he’s got it where it counts.
Special mentions:
Viggo Mortensen (as “Aragorn” only), Robert De Niro (only for the off-chance that my girlfriend would engage in dirty talk and he’d reply, “You talkin’ to me?”), and The Cheat.
OK, now it’s your turn, class. Who would be on your list?
Tommorow: The Anti-Five. Five people who would stain my good name forever if they slept with my special lady friend.
Posted by Ryan McGee at July 23, 2003 09:41 AM