Editing for the “Wading in the Velvet Book” is in high gear, and as such, has taken up most of my mental energies lately. I had contemplated a breakdown of a Peter Gabriel tune, but I’m too close to the topic at hand, and couple that with a few glasses of Fetzer Merlot, and I’ll just hold that off for another day.

In the meantime, I’m soliciting interest in the book. What you’ll get is roughly 100,000 of the best words I ever set down on this website. I’m still figuring out costs, which boils down to page count, but I hope to have an all-inclusive price which covers cost of printing and shipping plus a touch extra to pay for the operation for my cat Crystal. OK, I don’t have a cat, I just need to get some more cocaine.

So, the goal is something which costs, in the end, around $20-25 bucks, which I know is a lot, so I may end up offering a cheap PDF version which won’t be as coffee-table friendly but will get you some of my greatest hits, such as “Ryan Writes Something Long and Depressing” and “Ryan Writes Something Else Long and Depressing with a Hint of Self-Loating” and “Keep All Sharp Objects Away from Mr. McGee”. Guaranteed fun for the whole family.

Thing is, I’ll only publish around as many as I know can be sold, so I’m not stuck with a stack of books and Visa breathing down my neck like the stripper who hasn’t made her quota of dances yet. So please email me with the title “Blog Book” so I have your general interest established. If you could, please talk about the book on your blog, or hit me up with a link, and help garner some interest that way as well. If someone wants to be really super awesome, you could help me create a small icon/logo for the book so I can put it over on the sidebar there which will eventually link to my Paypal account, assuming I can remember how to access it since it’s been, oh, a year since last I had to use it. Or, if someone had some time and has an idea for a simple but elegant B+W cover, I'm open to suggestions. Lord knows I have the visual skill of a slug with the shakes.

The book is a combination of “Me Talk Pretty One Day”, Blender Magazine, and the incessant ramblings of your grandmother who talks all day to inanimate objects. It’s “War and Peace” in length, yet “Dude, Where’s My Car?” in depth. It’s a symphony without all that annoying melody. Or punctuation. It’s going to be mentioned until you buy one, so just sign up already, will you?

I’m hoping to have this in people’s hands by Valentine’s Day, so why give chocolate? She’ll just think you’re trying to make her fat. Instead, give her the gift of long-winded, self-indulgent sarcasm and pity. You’ll totally get to first base with her if you do.

I promise. Or your money back. OK, not really, I’ll be keeping your cash. If nothing else, the size of this book will make it useful as a weapon if you ever encounter a burglar. So like, that’s something.

Also, I'm going to let you name the book. Right now, "Wading in the Velvet Book" isn't exactly impressing me. I was going to call it "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets", but apparently that's already taken. Who knew?

Suggestions, in other words, are welcome.