Oh sure, most "respectable" news outlets and blogs are reporting the supposed "real" story of Rice's testimony. But really, after perusing a few sources, I kept hearing the same story over and over. I wanted more. I wanted to go deeper.

So I put on my investigative hat (the one without the beer straws in it) and waded through the actual testimony transcripts. And what I found flat out shocked me. Just about everyone seems to have missed some of the most shocking testimony of the day. Well, yours truly will not be silenced. I'm currently blogging from a remote location, in case The Man is already onto my discoveries.

If this is my last entry, then, well, tell Amanda I love her. Tell her I was gonna take her by surprise, and make realize. Amanda. I wanted to tell you right away that I couldn't wait another day. Amanda. I woulda said it like a man and...oh, you get the point. Onto the shocking testimony:

Most surprising bits of testimony from Condoleezza Rice Thursday on Capitol Hill:

• Secretly lobbied with the Weinsteins to get “Cold Mountain” more Oscar nominations, failed due to lack of “award footing”
• Voted for Clay, not Reuben
• Has AOL IM screen name “CondiLuvsRummy4EVA”
• Advised Britney to have "Toxic" be the lead single off "In the Zone" instead of "Me Against the Music", and hey, maybe next time the bimbo won't be so dismissive of her advice, now will she?
• In 1995, took first tab of acid; spent majority of night on the phone trying to convince wide receiver Jerry Rice that the two of them were separated at birth
• Revealed three top Cabinet members have, “…weapons of mass destruction, know what I mean, wink wink, know what I mean, nudge nudge? Aww, c'mon, these are the JOKES, people! Hey Tripod, I mean, Senator Kerrey, lighten up!”
• Revealed herself to be the actual singer on C+C Music Factory’s hit song, “Gonna Make You Sweat”, as well as Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris”, Metallica’s “Enter Sandman”, and Led Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love”.
• Can’t for the life of her figure out the current plot of “Alias” either
• Doesn’t get Outkast’s appeal, doesn’t care who knows it, darn it
• In a drunken stupor last weekend, assigned William Hung to be “Ambassador for Those Who Are About to Rock and We Wish To Salute” before hurried into a taxi by Republican leaders

More shocking reports as they come to light....