Going on a company outing today.
And we all know how the last one turned out.
For those of you who don’t, or are too lazy to click on the button (which, on a scale of 1 to lazy, is like, lazy plus 10. You’re wielding a shield with +10 lazy, is what I’m sayin’…), the company sent us on a scavenger hunt around Boston, parading around the city like madmen with color-coordinated bandanas to ensure that we looked like a cross between the Crips and the teams from “Midnight Madness”. It was almost like an episode of “The Amazing Race”, only this would have been dubbed “The Slightly Amusing But Generally Odd” Race. After all, I’m pretty sure “The Amazing Race” doesn’t make its teams carry a toy duck with them at all times while trying to break into Fenway Park.
Now, I say the company sent us on this journey, but that’s only marginally true. In fact, the “Fun Committee” sent us on this journey. The “Fun Committee” was formed when out new president came on board last April. I didn’t know the Fun Committee even existed, since its secret nature rivals that of the Skull and Bones. I have no clue who is on the Fun Committee. No one will own up to being on it. First rule of Fun Committee: do NOT talk about Fun Committee. There will be bipartisan congressional hearings to get to the bottom of this, I swear. In the meantime, you’ve got exchanges like this happening on a semi-frequent basis:
Worker #1: Hey.
Worker #2: Hey.
Worker #1: So, know anything about what this company outing is about?
Worker #2: Um, why would I know anything?
Worker #1: Well, aren’t you on the Fun Committee?
Worker #2: No. Me? No! Ha ha. That’s funny. No.
Worker #1: Seriously, I thought I saw you making the flier for the event. What’s up with that?
Worker #2: Oh, um, that, I uh, hey look over there, a unicorn!
Worker #1: A what? (turns around)
Worker #2: (clubs co-worker on the back of the neck with a wrench, drags now limp body to the Mystic River for disposal)
It’s a tense atmosphere. An Orwellian atmosphere. All because of the nightmare known as “Fun Committee”. As those Guinness guys would say, “BRILLIANT!”
All I know about today’s event is that it’s sports-themed. I’ve been told to wear comfy clothes, sneakers, and to not worry about having to drive home. Hopefully we’re not going to try and scavenge some bloody socks from Curt Schilling’s place. That might end in something resembling disaster. He’d call up the local sports radio and send “Butch from the Cape” down to his place to even the odds.
This all said, I’m looking forward to today’s event, even if some of you are getting “Office Space Hawaiian Shirt Day” jokes in your mind. It rates a bit Velveeta in terms of cheesiness, but we’re a small company and as such the “forced fun” aspect isn’t really there. In addition to that, the last event holds a bit of an interesting place in my mind, and not only because I got to wear a grass skirt in front of my entire company while tossing my president’s three-year old daughter up and down after eight drinks.
More to that fact that when I came home that night, completely exhausted, I came home to an email from The Girl, the first time I’d heard from her in quite a while. Was fairly convinced that the last shot at the bar was playin’ tricks on my mind, but no, there was definitely her name, definitely her email address, and definitely her words. And if I can offer any advice to those who have had too much to drunk and want to sober up quickly, try and come home to email from someone you thought you’d never hear from again and had missed terribly. Seems to do the trick.
Not really sure what she could do tonight to similarly reverse a drunken state. Maybe she could, I dunno, hire Best Buy to install a 46’’ plasma screen television in my living room while I’m gone. Maybe. That might do the trick. Actually, I’ll remove all doubt and say it WOULD cure my drunken state. And baby, you don’t want me to have a hangover, do you? Exactly.
Now, I’ve got a URL for you that spells out all the wonderful, convenient payment plans you could choose from, and hurry up, I think the Fun Committee is onto me...help, masked co-workers are coming with torches to my cube...help....HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.....
Posted by Ryan McGee at November 17, 2004 10:11 AM