Wading in the Velvet Sea

Pot luck means “Ryan orders something in”. So I leave to get the Caesar salad I ordered from Chili’s, and through peer pressure decided to blow more coin on the office Yankee swap. So 5 minutes later, I’m out fifty bucks for a party I’m not even really looking forward to. Corporate America: Suck the great big teat! Fun for the family!

So I come back to the party/office, and along one wall are 6 female employees. Some male ones are by the kitchen area a few feet away. Yes, folks, the same social rules that apply to middle school dances also apply when you’re adults. Get used to it.

Jenny met up with me about halfway through the “let’s be happy none of us were fired” gathering posing as a holiday party, we split about 30 minutes later to go to a co-worker’s sister’s party in South Boston. I couldn’t leave with my coworker lest it seem like we were all going to the same place. Again, see above under “Rules of behavior, not changing after you’re 12 year old”

As far as Southie---well, let’s put it this way. I’ve been in worse neighborhoods, but I’m not looking to set up shop there anytime soon. Neighborhoods are like women: any described as “having a great personality” are ones you probably don’t need to see if you’ve missed them up until that point.

Moving on….

Saturday was marked by lows and then highs. The afternoon was spent shopping during a New England-wide recreation of “The Perfect Storm”. Teaches me to not look at the weather before leaving the house. The girl and I hit two major mall complexes, which had their parking lots swapped out for ponds so near as I could tell. Everyone had the same idea and the same ignorance towards the days’ weather conditions. Luckily, between Target, Best Buy, and Newbury Comics, I got most of my shopping done. We would have been done sooner if the Gift Wrapping Nazi (ie, my girlfriend) hadn’t spent so much time asking my opinion on ribbon, bags, and wrapping paper. My response to everything initially was “Sure, that’s great,” and gradually became, “Yea, that works, whatever you want,” to my honets response which was, “Damnit, they’re gonna tear it to shreds anyways, does it MATTER what’s glittered or not?”

You’d think I’d called her mother a hooker.

Well, after getting an ice pack from Target security, my head wound stopped bleeding. Best Buy was next, followed by a quick canoe trip over to Newbury, then back home. My job during the wrapping process was basically to stick my finger on a bow while I read my copy of “Entertainment Weekly”. This I could handle…

And then…I ended up 8th row center at a Tom Petty concert.

I’ll back up a bit---my roomie’s dad has connections, and got us 4 tickets to the show. Long story short, through some mixups that I don’t really know about, we ended up with no passes, but 4 tickets, but 2 on the floor, two in the loge. My roomie insisted Jenny and I had the floor seats, and after 10 minutes of arguing, she wasn’t budging, so Jenny and I went to the floor.

For an ugly dude sporting a Jennifer Aniston haircut, Petty puts on one helluva show.

The Heartbreakers are amazing to watch---it’s like watching the Carver Junior High Science Department rock out. They were a tight knit group---and if they all were sick of playing “Refugee” for the 4000th time, they sure didn’t look it. Petty and the band also did what I really dig---take a familiar song and stretch it out, but not in a pompous way. Some serious musicianship, and I was 30 feet away.

Best part of the night? Not the music, which was alternatively driveling to absolutely brilliant, but the look on Petty’s face when he came out for the encore. I got the same impression I got when watching Eddie Izzard come out a few years ago for the 2nd half of his act: “Man, he is really, really high right now.” Good times. The dude who looks like Super Mario at the end of our row started emulating him. Just….yea, words can’t describe.

The section we were in was bizarre---40-something groupies, faces pulled tauter than the trampoline used in “The Man Show”, sat behind us. IN our row, near the end, a guy who had a leather vest over a dark blue shirt. I hadn’t seen a leather sleeveless vest since the last “Police Academy” movie. Just surreal. The guy in front of us was shaped like a block of ice---seriously, his ears were parallel to his hips. Just odd. And no matter what Jenny did, she couldn’t look around him. Slightly annoying. Eventually he assumed an air guitar pose while his wife or girlfriend sat down, giving him the “I better get that romantic dinner you promised in return for me going to this with you” look for the second half of the set. By the end of the set, Vest Guy was twirling it over his head like a stripper waving her bra at an eager crowd. Not that I’d have any real idea if that analogy is correct, and, um…hey, look, a unicorn!

After those two days, I took a nice rest day. Woke up late, went to the gym, and went by the folk’s house, for conversation, free food, and free laundry. I cannot highly recommend enough living near one’s folks for this latter fact alone. Just outstanding. Everything was going spectacular today, until I went and locked myself out of my apartment.

30 minutes outside in shorts on a 40 degree day. Luckily, my roomie again came to the rescue and eventually turned on her phone. But here I was, feeling like a schmuck, sitting in my car, looking like an utter stalker, waiting for someone to come by so I could snatch them inside and drive off to demand my ransom.

But a small annoyance in the grand scheme. Good times had by all. This week, for the first time in recorded history, I have plans on all five weeknights. Pictures and stories aplenty coming forthwith…