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January 08, 2003
so much for technology going smaller
I heard everyone was all excited about the new 17’’ screen PowerBook…until it went rogue and ate a baby as Steve Jobs looked on in horror.
Good God. That thing is huge. Kinda defeates the purpose of a laptop, which is mobility, I always thought. It can’t even fit in the overhead compartment of an airplane, nevermind on the tray table. Easily fits into the affirmative category of “Bigger than a Breadbox?” in 20 Questions. Nanotechnology be damned, I want this bad boy on my side in a street fight, no diggity.
If you read the fine print, you can see it’s new features:
--Translates all websites into French, Spanish, and Klingon
--Features the new program “iDate” which allows you to have cybersex with the artificial intelligence database bundled into Jaguar
--Eminates a high-frequency pitch which will both kill your dog and reminds your subconscious that Bill Gates is eeeevil, EEEEVIL
--Allows you to connect to the Internet via modem, Ethernet, or the cybernetic implants which detatch themselves from the computer upon startup, firmly attach themselves to your skull, and lull you into submission
--A copy of “Frampton Comes Alive”
--A ransom note for your parents, whom Apple has kidnapped, and will not release until you purchase the $399 mandatory upgrade 3 weeks after you buy the computer
Posted by Ryan McGee at January 8, 2003 01:02 PM
Comments
Donations being taken now for the give-a-powerbook-to-peyton fund. that thing is sexalicious. create & burn dvds from dv on something 1" thick? yes please.
Posted by: peyton at January 10, 2003 12:08 AM