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January 14, 2003
A Long Time Ago, Some Geeks Wrote Really Bad Fan Fiction
Speaking of Billy Dee Williams, a fake report about the script for Star Wars Episode III was emailed to Ain’t It Cool News. It would be one of the best script parodies ever if it weren’t it fact really bad fan fiction. I mean, just read a sample, of the “climatic battle” between Anakin and Obi-Wan:
In an access of tremendous rage, Anakin throws what was described as a "glowing ball of flaming energy" at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan does a Force trick, dodging the fireball, and ends up behind Vader.
Hoo boy. I love me a good access of tremendous rage. Although I'm less impressed by "Force tricks", which usually involve Obi Wan cheating at Jenga.
I can just imagine the scene:
Int. Anakin is thrown into a volcano by Obi Wan Kenobi after Obi Wan has an access of tremendous feng shui. Camera pans to C-3PO, who turns to R2-D2 in the nearby "Star Wars Volcano Gift Shop".
C-3P0: “My word. It’s certainly getting hot in herre.”
Wide angle of shot of Anakin falling into lava, boiling to a nice crisp.
Anakin: This is all Obi-Wan’s fault! He’s holding me back!
Sidious: Actually, he’s throwing you into lava. Please pull yourself together out of there, you're making me look bad.
Close-up, Volcano Store. R2D2 hacks into the store's database with his Universal R2-Empire technology hacking device, starts pirating Death Star technology to upload on the Gnutella network.
Sidious: Can someone please install a firewall into at least one of our secret lairs? Or at least make them password-protected? I mean, honestly, people. The Death Star wasn't scheduled to come out until August, now we have to push the release date up.
Mace Windu: Oh hell, I'm sick of these movies.
Mace throws himself willingly into the volcano.
Posted by Ryan McGee at January 14, 2003 10:00 AM
Comments
See, you just re-organize and recycle yesterday's entry, and we respond by not leaving you comments. The mob is fickle! We are not entertained!
Posted by: Commander Foley at January 14, 2003 03:57 PM