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February 13, 2003
The New Reality
Upset with the lack of quality programming exemplified by shows like "Friends" and "ER", NBC is jumping into the reality show fray with a show called "Who Wants to Marry My Mom?". According to NBC, the show...
"...will feature the adult children of single mothers choosing among several candidates to decide who gets to go with their mom on a fantasy vacation."
First of all, a world of eww. Don't get me wrong, I am all for single moms getting back into the fray and getting their groove back, but how many shots of the kids looking at these guys going, "But...but you're not Daddy!" can one really take? Or worse, you?ll have interviews with the kids saying stuff like, "Well, this guy doesn't inject syringes between his toes, so yea, he's not like Dad that way." Better yet, they can install a confessional for the kids right next to the bedroom, so they can potentially hear the very process by which they themselves were conceived. That's family-tastic!
I mean, how many shows can there possibly be coming down the pipeline’ Can we go further than "Joe Millionaire" and "Am I Hot’" If the appetite for these shows is any indication, then the answer is certainly yes. Given the shorter and shorter runs of these shows it’s taking 3-4 reality shows to match the typical 22-24 episode run of your average sit come or drama. What shows are coming up next’ I'd like to humbly propose a few to any network executives reading this today---feel free to send royalty checks to this address.
‘Who Wants to Knock Up My Daughter?’
---$10,000 to the first guy to successfully impregnate the budding flower of a family.
‘Who Wants to Take a Hit from Grandma’s Bong?’
---$25,000 to the person who convinces Congress to legalize medicinal marijuana.
‘When Anna Nicole Attacks!’
---10 couples stay in a mansion with a butler, Jeff Probst, and Anna Nicole Smith. The last couple not eaten by Smith wins.
‘Big Brother---The Home Game!’
---All of America tries to figure out how many ways the Total Information Act has ruined the privacy of their lives. They can watch the show’s web site for updates on other people’s Social Security numbers, criminal history, current location (via cybernetic implants provided by the government), and favorite flavor of ice cream. Winners? What winners?
‘The Weakest Mink’
----50 members of PETA hunt supermodel Giselle, who’s been left alone and abandoned in the woods. The first person who finds her gets to skin her alive and offer her carcass as a sacrifice to the Animal Gods in a pagan ceremony to be held during Sweeps Period.
‘Trading Races’
---Two couples decide to switch ethnicities with their neighbors over the period of a weekend. Hilarity (and racial prejudice) ensues.
‘Beer Factor’
---Broadcasting from a different fraternity each week, the winner of the contest is the one who wakes up next to the ugliest woman the following morning. An extra $500 for each alcohol-erased memory. Fantasy leagues will be available; points given for each character who says things like, "Where am I?", "Who the hell are you?", or "Oh Sweet Jesus, what have I done?"
‘Blind Diplomacy’
---Two diplomats, looking for world peace and a little bootay, meet for the first time to see if they (and their nations) can hit it off. Closed off from the world, forced into tight, cramped spaces, working out all that international aggression…who knows what can happen’ Witty thought bubbles written by Ari Fleischer. Soundtrack by Barry White (‘Can't Get Enough of Your Detente, Baby!’)
What shows do you think they’ll come up with next?
Posted by Ryan McGee at February 13, 2003 11:19 PM
Comments
Reality TV has gotten so pathetic, I wouldn't be surprised to see an ad for any of those on television.
Don't know if you're aware, but I just saw an ad for Saturday Night Live, and Jennifer Garner is hosting (with Beck as musical guest)!
Posted by: Susan at February 14, 2003 12:11 AM
Now I just saw that she's also on Conan O'Brian tonight - I believe that episode replays tomorrow evening on Comedy Central.
Posted by: Susan at February 14, 2003 12:31 AM
Yeah, they're putting Ms. Garner on a media blitz for "Daredevil." I'm curious to see if their recent ad campaign push to make it seem more like a date movie will pay dividends this weekend.
Posted by: Commander Foley at February 14, 2003 09:48 AM
Who is this Jennifer Garner you speak of? Is she related to that guy from "The Rockford Files"? :)
Posted by: ryan at February 14, 2003 10:00 AM
Oh no. Did Jennifer Garner do something to offend you? Is she now dead to you, like Asian Zabka's uncle in Karate Kid II?
Posted by: Commander Foley at February 14, 2003 10:32 AM
Nah, just amused that even on days when I don't mention her, she still comes up.
Posted by: ryan at February 14, 2003 10:39 AM
Also, for the record...
ZABKA!
Posted by: Commander Foley at February 14, 2003 11:11 AM
I always lobbied for him to be Hasty Pudding Man of the Year, alas...
Posted by: ryan at February 14, 2003 11:16 AM
Hey, don't be fooled by the rocks that he got, he's still, he's still Zabka from the Block.
Posted by: Commander Foley at February 14, 2003 12:18 PM
Okay I have been watching too much news...but just an arbitrary thought that swam through the my brain as I read dear Ryan's blog yesterday. (It could of happened) it could be that Bin ladin's reality TV show was his version of Ali Babba and the 40 thieves only something like binladin and the "11 (12,13,14 ,15-40) Bombers" as in fact depicted to Irag and nations on Tuesday nights Television(while unbeknowst to us Buffy watchers) showing all the terrorists wearing wire and cameras and followed them through that two year period of planning their attack. Sick but could be. Only they don't win money its like death reality or in there culture "warfare honor" or something stupid like that. This world is becoming sicker and sicker. And to top it off there are families in AMerica Trying out for that reality Show (not positive of its name) that deals with an "American Family" that is followed through their normal lives....a Take on the truman show with Jim Carey...BUT COME ON!
Posted by: jada at February 14, 2003 01:19 PM
Wait, that excerpt says "adult" children. How old are these women going to be? Somehow I don't see people tuning in to watch people in their 20s try to pimp out their middle-aged moms...
Posted by: Jay at February 14, 2003 03:40 PM
Agreed... unless it turns out to be Garth's mom from "Wayne's World."
Posted by: Commander Foley at February 14, 2003 03:44 PM
Happy Valentine's Day
Posted by: Leah at February 14, 2003 04:03 PM
Ryan, I think you put more thought into "Who wants to Marry My Mom" than the producers did.
Posted by: Gothicwords at February 15, 2003 01:02 AM
Hello I seem to have stumbled upon your site from msns gossip? column...What about: "Who wants to Kill A Washed out talk show host?" Regis is dropped off somewhere in the Australian out back and the first person to capture him gets to maim him in any way they like. I'd enter =)
Posted by: Alison =) at February 27, 2003 09:06 PM
You're right, reality tv shows have ruined tv for me. They just screw with people's emotions for other people's pleasure and entertainment. As Susan said, reality shows have gotten so pathetic.
Posted by: realityhater at May 29, 2003 02:06 PM
If the future is all reality tv shows, im done with tv.
Posted by: sweetnass at May 29, 2003 02:08 PM
ur right reality hater they have taken over my Tv and now I can't watch one show wthout it being based on or realistic and I watch TV day in and day out I hate we should ban reality TV shows
Posted by: Tv lovr at May 29, 2003 02:12 PM
yeah tv lover!
Posted by: realityhater at May 29, 2003 02:13 PM
weber says no
Posted by: realityhater at May 29, 2003 02:15 PM