Wading in the Velvet Sea

Friday Night:

Friday night was a night for Jenny and I to have drinks with her friend and my brother. It wasn’t a set up, her friend Lily does film at Harvard, Casey my brother is a wanna-be filmmaker, and Casey does a mean impression of a velociraptor. So we figured it would be fine. The restaurant we went to for drinks had a 45 minute wait, so we hightailed it back to my place. Lily had brought a tape of her student films for Jenny to watch, so of course, as pursuant to social decorum, we insisted on watching the video and potentially embarrassing someone we didn’t know.

She was a bit shy at first, but a bottle of wine later, and she seemed oddly OK about stuff. Her and Casey spent a good 45 minutes engaged in tech lingo that left jenny and I scratching our heads. Sort of like if I started talking about the difference between a Vari*Lite500 versus a Vari*Lite600 and Rosco gel numbers and…see? You went cross-eyed. Now you know how Jenny and I felt.

Now, normally I wouldn’t be so insistent on watching the video, but the films were, in Lily’s own words, ‘often-describe as soft-core porn’. Now, not having Cinemax as part of my cable package, I have been sorely lacking in the ‘soft-core porn on my television’ department. The first piece was called ‘Library Girl’, and long story short, had as its plot a guy who falls asleep in a library and falls victim to an S+M library girl cult. Whoa. Most excellent.

The second piece was a wordless piece that…OK, I’m gonna try and describe this as accurately as I can, since it will make what happens afterwards make more sense. The film opens on a girl, and whoa, I know her---she was in my production of ‘Romeo and Juliet’ 2 summers again. OK, so yea, Caitlin. Haven’t see her in a while. OK, she’s walking into a room, it’s after a party in a dorm, and there’s a girl inexplicably patting herself down with a handkerchief. OK. I’m going with it. Caitlin’s got a straw in her mouth, and yea, it’s rolling around in her mouth, and whoa, she is checking out Sweaty Girl, isn’t she’ Sweaty Girl’s patting away, making sure every inch of neck is covered. Caitlin’s getting closer, shots of the two almost touching, then Caitlin takes the handkerchief down, places it next to like 20 bottles of booze, walks just past her, brushes her hand against the girl’s rear, and walks out of frame. Shot of Sweaty Girl, who now has the straw, proceeds to insert it in her mouth, and close her eyes, obviously happy.

Yo.

OK, so we’re all like, ‘Hey, that was really good, Lily.’ And she replies, ‘Yea, when I screened it, everyone liked it, but later I heard that some people were referring to it as ‘the lesbian movie’. So weird! I mean, Caitlin got approached by some guy at a party, and he said, ‘I know you, you’re the chick from the lesbian movie!’’

OK, so now I’m feeling a bit odd. Normally I’m OK at picking up subtext, but I wasn't getting a terrible lot here. Then again, I really enjoyed "A.I.", so that pretty much means no one takes my criticism seriously. But, I don’t wanna say anything, because I 1) don’t wanna seem stupid, and 2) don’t wanna offend Lily. Lily, by the way, is over 6’ tall and a rugby player. Where I come from, we leave these types alone. We have more teeth that way.

By this point, Casey’s half in the bag, ok, up to his neck in the bag, so I drive everyone home. Drop Lily off at a bar to meet a friend, and Jenny off at her dorm. Jenny leaves the car, I kiss her goodnight, and hop back in the car. Casey has his eyes closed, obviously exhausted. I ask him, ‘Alright, dude, I got one question’’

‘That was a total lesbian movie…’’ he replies sleepily. Brothers are great that way, the telepathy and all.

This became a running joke through the weekend betwixt us. Just randomly, one of us would burst out, ‘Total lesbian movie.’ No offense to Lily---it was a good film, but we just didn't read into it what she wanted us to get out of it. Oh well. At least now libraries seem a helluva lot cooler than they did a week ago.

Saturday Night:

The first McGee Men Night Out: Casey, myself, and my dad. We planned to go to the Comedy Connection and work it from there. We sat about 10 feet from the stage, which would have been great. Except.

So we’re seating in front of three ladies, two of them very chatty. All from New Hampshire. They were two ladies, mid-fifties it looked like, and one elderly lady. I sat in front of her, but I checked, and no eye patch was visible. She was, however, almost totally deaf.

Now, why you bring your deaf mother to any event where hearing might be, I dunno, a valuable asset is beyond me, but then I heard one of the ladies saying, ‘This is our first night out in five years,’ so I cut them some slack.

Then my brother hears more, which I got all second-hand. This is apparently what went down a few minuets after we sat down:

Lady: So, are you married’
My Dad: Um, yea.
Lady: Too bad, if you were single I would have hit on you.

EW. Double EWWWWWW.

Later on, she apparently revealed that she herself was married, but her husband was ‘so goddamn boring’. During the main comedian’s act, he asked the hypothetical question, ‘Know what there isn’t enough of in New Hampshire?’ And the same lady yells out, ‘SEX!’

Holy Mary Mother of God. I need a shower.

Now, I’m happy to report that she didn’t always talk about sex. However, she and her sister did in fact manage to talk through the ENTIRE FRICKIN’ show. Oh my lord. Deaf Granny of course couldn’t hear a word the comedians were saying, so the McGees got to hear every joke twice---once from the guy onstage, the second from the psychotic, horny New Hampshire weirdos behind us. It was like the world’s longest Miracle-Ear commercial. I need a drink.

I’m semi-happy, semi-disturbed that between the comedy club, a trip to Boston Billiards, and late-night dinner at Uno’s, only my dad got propositioned amongst the three of us. This I guess makes sense, since he has the most hair atop his head. The closest Casey and I came was having a waitress talk to us at Boston Billiards. Granted, the only thing she said was ‘That’ll cost $11 for the beer,’ but still, Casey and I think we made a connection. OK, only I did. I need a hug.

Well, that’s all too damn much excitement for one weekend for me. Soft-core student porn to seeing a weird lady propose a hard-core scene with my dad’yikes. I need a break from all of this.

I think I’ll go back to making Triple H Pedigree the Rock on my Playstation.