Wading in the Velvet Sea

• The show starts at 8:30 pm. Steve Martin’s monologue lasts about 17 minutes. Does anyone else remember when he was, I don’t know, funny? I’m sadly at that age where I missed the pinnacle of his career. Instead, I get ‘Father of the Bride II’ and ‘The Out-of-Towners’, and this monologue…which is only slightly shorter than Beckett’s ‘Happy Days’. Ugh.
• I must have accidentally slipped some drugs into my pasta primavera tonight---did I just hear that ‘Treasure Planet’ was nominated for an Oscar for ‘Best Animated Feature’’ We don’t need a war to render this show irrelevant, the Academy is doing just fine on its own. (Did only five animated movies come out all year? Can’t we call a spade a spade and throw ‘Attack of the Clones’ in here’)
• Man, that’s some serious CGI---if I’m not mistaken, Catherine Zeta Jones now has the same bra size as Queen Latifah. And by ‘CGI’ I mean ‘8 months of pregnancy’. That is gonna be one fat kid after a few months of breast feeding, and yes, I'll stop now.
• Much to the chagrin of Oscar producers, I’m sure, we go to ABC News and get updates on heavy combat near Baghdad, with fierce fighting causing casualties on both sides. Peter Jennings then announces, ‘We now take you back to pretty people safe from danger.’ OK, I made that up.
• Steve Martin actually just said this: ‘Please welcome Jennifer Garner and one of Hollywood’s most beloved black actors…Mickey Mouse.’ Whoa, whoa, whoa…did he just…hey, Jen, how YOU doin’…and whoa, whoa, Mickey Mouse and…what the…he’s 3-D…it’s a frickin’ CGI Mickey…poor Jen, who in Hollywood did you piss off to have this happen to you…oh my, Mickey found The One Ring in his envelope…hahaha, they just cut to Sean Astin, who is HORRIFIED by what’s going on…and did Steve Martin really just call Mickey Mouse one of Hollywood’s most beloved black actors…
• ‘‘‘

OK, that’s it folks, I can’t do this.

Look---I was willing to go with it. Was psyched that Chris Cooper won for his role in the best movie of last year (‘Adaptation’) but really, to go from the war coverage to that Mickey Mouse debacle is too much for me to take.

What are the Oscars? Hell, what is any awards show’ Essentially, it’s a chance for people in a certain field to congratulate themselves. Nothing wrong with that inherently. Something like the current war (no matter what your particularly leanings may be on it), however, lifts the proverbial curtain on the Wizard that is the Oscars. The red carpet, the fabulous clothes, and other luxuries are a smoke screen created make the events seem to somehow have a gravity that they simply don’t. The cross-fade from the war coverage to my main home-girl Garner just demonstrated a fundamental synaptic break between the people at this award show and the general state of the world. Thus, the night has become, for me, even more of a glorified dress-up than usual.

Jennifer Garner, on the red carpet, hours before killing her agent following the Mickey Mouse debacle...

Now, tonight’s show isn’t a Hollywood-esque distraction technique like Olivier’s ‘Henry V’, so important to the Allied spirit in WWII that it won special Oscar recognition. This is not a show trying to lift the spirit of the country during a difficult time---this is a showing trying to pretend there’s nothing wrong with the world.

‘But,’ you say, hypothetically, ‘it’s just the movies, McGee. Cut them some slack.’ Trust me, I did. Hell, I tuned it. I was seduced into the experience at the beginning. Nothing wrong with a little escapism, which is of course a convenient excuse since I’m asking you to read this entry while we’re in the war I’m accusing Hollywood of forgetting. Be that as it may, it’s hard to really enjoy the proceedings when only Mr. Cooper thus far has had the courage to remind its audience that there’s a world outside the steps of the Kodak, a world which is not scripted, does not have flashy dance numbers, and whose makeup consists not of blood pellets but the blood of wounded soldiers.

Movies, like all entertainment, can take us away from the world, but at best remain part and parcel of the world, and that makes tonight’s disconnect all the more disconcerting. The show could have made mention of the war, shown the show’s relative importance in the grand scheme of things, and moved on with a proper sense of respect both to their craft and the world, but instead have chosen to belie their own greatness for danger, perhaps, that people might realize they earn millions to play pretend.

So, for more coverage, turn to other sights. I’m hanging up my writing shoes for the night.

Update, 11:24 pm:

OK, must be said: Gael Garcia Bernal gets props for the most eloquent recognition of the world state----I might have to rent "Y Tu Mama Tambien" just for that. Second place is Nicole Kidman, who was charming in her ineloquence.

Further Update, 11:29 pm:

OK, this parade of former Oscar winners just killed the good will Bernal built up. Let's bring them all to a Walmart next week and have them sit through a parade of the living "Employees of the Month". Then they might feel my current state of exasperation.