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April 02, 2003
Resumé for the Position of Jennifer Garner's Boyfriend
Ryan Thomas McGee
Cambridge, MA
E-mail: ryanmcgee@post.harvard.edu
Age: 27
Height: 6’5’’
Weight: 245 lbs
Hair: On Good Days, Yes
Objective:
To engage in a series of encounters on a social level which eventually leads to my status as your boyfriend.
Professional Experience:
- Experience in many types of relationships: monogamous, non-so-monogamous, and ‘Dear Lord, Hose Yourself Down’
- Ability to adapt to many different challenges, from opening a tough jar lid to helping you get into your dress for the Oscars.
- Given my height, I can reach many tall shelves. Then again, you can probably ninja-chop them down, so nevermind.
- Have been told by my mother that I am quite the catch.
- Experience with movie stars: Managed to almost kind of woo Drew Barrymore with an ill-timed castrati joke.
- Nearly 12 months of drooling over you have adequately prepared me for this opportunity. I even watched ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’ when it was on STARZ. Come on! If that doesn't earn me at least the right to treat you to a mocchiato, I don't know what does.
Skills:
- I can insert song lyrics into any conversation, even when you don’t ask for them.
- I once almost juggled two balls at once.
- I can alphabetize your CD collection. Or your spice rack. Or your Fraggle Rock collection.
- I can sing just about any song completely out of key.
- This one time, at band camp...
- Skills? What ‘skills’? I got skillz! Just look below!
References:
Available upon request. Well, at least from the few who still acknowledge my existence.
Posted by Ryan McGee at April 2, 2003 02:06 PM
Comments
You callous bastard!
Posted by: Scott Foley at April 2, 2003 02:46 PM
You are just not right in the head. You do know that...
Posted by: Lizbet at April 2, 2003 02:59 PM
You've known me for two years and are just now coming to that conclusion?
Posted by: ryan at April 2, 2003 03:44 PM
Jennifer Garner. Fraggle Rock. These two subjects will henceforth be associated with each other in my mind.
Posted by: Dan the Goose at April 2, 2003 03:47 PM
You have balls I'll give you that for showing the picture. LOL.
Posted by: jada at April 3, 2003 12:31 PM
Heck, they're fairly prominent in the picture, to boot....
Posted by: Commander Foley at April 3, 2003 12:33 PM
SCENE!
Posted by: ryan at April 3, 2003 12:36 PM
Ryan, I just got this from a friend:
"OK, now the rumors are starting that our Alias girl is dating Michael
Vartan
aka Vaughn. Apparently it's on eonline. Well, if somebody has to bite
the
bullet for us and date him, it might as well be her.............."
Ryan, if you get Jennifer's number make sure she gives you Vartan's, too, ok????
Posted by: redhead at April 4, 2003 03:27 PM
That Vartan's a damn skank!
Posted by: ryan at April 4, 2003 04:40 PM