« Sugar in My Spoon | Main | New Buffy Review »
May 13, 2003
Focused on the Real Problems
Well, US soldiers are still dying in Iraq, no one can get a grip on exactly how many SARS victims there are, and we’re draining Maryland ponds to uncover a potential lead on the anthrax cases form last year. (Remember anthrax? Anyone? Bueller?)
Despite all of this, we’ve still got room in the headlines for Ray Romano, better known as ‘The $50 Million Dollar Man‘. CBS has ponied that money up for one season of work. One season. That breaks down to between $1.7 million and $1.8 million per episode. Know what I say?
NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO CURE SARS.
Whew. Sorry, had a minor bout of typing Tourette’s there for a moment. Think I’m OK now.
Hey, no one’s happier about the return of useless celebrity stories to the headlines than me. I’m Mr. Frickin' Smiley, trust me, man. God knows I’ve never been accused of being ‘aware of world issues’, or ‘having a grasp of complex political issues’, or ‘literate’, so the opportunity to not look like an intellectual schmuck amidst the blogging elite is more than welcome.
But really, what are we talking about? A celebrity getting overpaid for their work? C’mon, pull the other one! Next you’ll be telling me that politicians occasionally don't tell the truth!
Look, long story short: It’s not like your tax dollars are going into Ray’s pockets. If CBS wants to pay him $50 million to produce 24 22-minute episodes that make people happy, they are free and clear to do so, in my books. As long as they don’t use the money to revive ‘Diagnosis: Murder, She Wrote After Being Touch By An Angel’ or something of that ilk, it’s money well-spent. If you want to start a letter-writing campaign stating that CBS should divert some Romano-funds into your kid’s school so her books aren’t tattered, that’s your bizzness, and I’m down with that, but people, let’s get out of the ‘Cribs’ voyeur mentality here. Let Ray worry about his money, and you stick to worrying about yours. Also, why is no one upset that he currently makes $800,000 per episode? Isn’t he already in ‘So Rich as to Be Incomprehensible to the Average Hard-Worker Person’?
Such concerns illuminate the fact that, as a nation, we can openly discuss such trivial topics without fear of social rebuking. I mean, after all, Hollywood and the entertainment industry were and are a prime target of the conservative media and humor. (I'm all for punishing Susan Sarandon, but let's do it for the right reasons, people: that stupid "Children of Dune" series. )
Not only is the majority of Hollywood archly liberal, but they also seemed trivial as an industry compared with the Industry of Iraqi Liberation. Well, we’ve nominally liberated Iraq now. People can now turn their attention from the fact that we won a war without knowing where in the blue hell Saddam or Osama are and focus on more important things. Like the fact that Tori Spelling didn’t appear on the ‘90210 Reunion Special’ last night. Indeed, for some people, we can now turn our attention to the REAL Axis of Evil: Simon Cowell, Jerry Bruckheimer, and Joel Silver.
Once again, The Onion proves prescient. The average American can only take so much in this day and age before they tune out. Sadly, the object of overkill can be the Iraqi conflict or the Kelly Clarkson video; for some, the difference lays only in the channel they are watching. You want to see negotiations, heated debate, backstabbing, and intense lobbying before crucial votes? Well, on C-SPAN, we’ve got The United Nations, and on CBS…well, we’ve got ‘Survivor’. One man’s Colin Powell is another’s Jenna Morasca.
God knows Saturday Night Live is not the subversive show it was back in the mid-1970’s, but for once, they got something right. In the initial skit this past week, they parodied ‘American Idol’ and showed recently voted off member Josh ‘It’s a Thyroid Problem, Gosh Darn It’ Gracin live from the streets of Baghdad, fearing for his life, while the show’s contestants and hosts were oblivious to his plight. Ground-breaking comedy? Hardly. But it did stress the point that, even a month out from the heavy fighting, the nation’s attention span has already turned from the sublime to the belly-pierced. For some people, we literally fought for the right to dial a 900 number. Just sad.
Yet the pundits ask, "Is Ray worth the money?". Psst…SARS, people. Anthrax. Unstable Iraq. Highest national unemployment rate in decades. A tax-break which may or may not put us into deeper economic jeopardy. Can we worry about these things, just a touch? I’ll worry about the Eagles leapfrogging over Kiss for ‘Most Farewell Tours Ever’ in good enough time, fear not. But for now, I’ve got slightly bigger fish to fry.
Posted by Ryan McGee at May 13, 2003 12:15 AM
Comments
Succinctly put, Bravo! Two stars for Ryan, and an oreo.
Posted by: Derek at May 13, 2003 08:46 AM
Mmmm...Oreos. Thank God I don't live in California.
Posted by: ryan at May 13, 2003 09:37 AM
What about Cancer? I've thought about this topic since one day in Biology when I was 14 read an article on how our cells are destroyed by the aggressive disease cancer. The whole point of why are we constantly doing walks and runs for money for the cure to cancer is beyond me? When we are giving billions to actors to live the life we can only dream about. I do wish that someone would please find the cure for cancer. Anyone like soon please before my father and I or anyone else in my family or everyones family has to suffer from the illness.
Posted by: jada at May 13, 2003 10:00 AM
The problem is that this ain't Communism -- Ray Romano getting $50 million doesn't mean there are $50 million fewer dollars to be donated to cancer research. It doesn't mean that there was $50 million that was going to be spent on upping salaries for teachers at inner city schools. There's no central fund that Ray is draining. The money that goes to him probably would have gone right into the pockets of Producers and Executive Producers and NBC and that guy who only has a job because his dad knows someone else's dad and now he's in a position to suck the funny out of any script that comes his way. If Ray's making $50 million, it's only because Raymond is making hundreds and hundreds of millions of dollars for network execs, advertising revenues, the folks who syndicate the series, etc. etc. And if it's making that much, I can't really begrudge Ray his share. Whether he gets paid $5 million or $50 million or $5 isn't going to change the amount of money involved in the franchise.
The silver lining is now that he's making that obscene amount of cash (that's 2 Julia Roberts movies right there), Ray himself may be more inclined to give back to the community out of a sense of shame or responsibility.
Posted by: Commander Foley at May 13, 2003 10:49 AM
Hopefully society at large will benefit from his large salary when the government taxes the heck out of it.
Posted by: Lee at May 13, 2003 12:55 PM
While I do agree that this is a free market issue, and CBS wouldn't exactly be throwing cash at the American Lung Association if they weren't heaving it on Ray, it is also a question of values and perspective. By this I mean, has anyone ever noticed how god-awful the show is?! (Granted I'm not a big fan of most sitcoms, but this show is the poster child for mediocrity.) If we take a relative view, if Ray gets 50 mil for a season based on (ha ha) whatever talent involved, then I can only imagine what the Commander should be earning for his theater work...
Posted by: Punxking at May 13, 2003 01:17 PM
I'd pay money to see "Zod! The Musical!", a one-man cabaret act, starring Foley. He can do it in rep with "Bizarro! The Choreo-Poem!"
Posted by: ryan at May 13, 2003 01:27 PM
He'd probably do it for a sum shy of $50 mil too...
Posted by: Punxking at May 13, 2003 01:40 PM
I dunno, am I doing both "Zod!" and "!Bizarro" in rep? I could probably do those for only $45 mill per year.
And I say if Ray Romano can find a way to take a sitcom that bores me to tears and get upwards of 15-30 million households to watch it each week... well, geez, there's got to be some talent there.
Posted by: Commander Foley at May 13, 2003 02:29 PM
Well, you're doing in rep, and maybe we throw in the song stylings of Gaffney as you change outfits in- between shows.
Posted by: ryan at May 13, 2003 02:59 PM
I, too, want to cry every time 'Everybody Loves Raymond" sweeps the Emmy awards. While Ray Romano is a funny guy (and I don't begrudge him his money), the show itself is just sad. But is it really unexpected that America's favorite comedy is something so mediocre? We are, after all, the nation that champions mediocrity.
Just look at our President, and the methods with which he got elected and runs the country. Or look at Jennifer Lopez (whose biggest asset (ha!) is that she's nice to look at) - someone whose made an entire career out of being "not bad" at things. At what point did we stop expecting people to impress, and just settled for them to "not suck?"
Okay, now I've made myself depressed. Sorry. I think I'll go read something educational...
Posted by: Wiz at May 13, 2003 03:01 PM
Well, thank you Mr. McGee. I certainly would love a job in my prefered field of rock stardom.
But only if you do the lighting so everyone will look good and feel three times cooler than we actually are.
Posted by: Megan at May 13, 2003 03:32 PM
Megan, based on photographic evidence found on this very site, wouldn't you much rather have Ryan as your featured go-go/pole dancer on stage?
Posted by: Punxking at May 13, 2003 03:43 PM
She's seen the pole-dancing up close. She's still recovering from the raw sexual heat I was emitting. Best not to remind her; she's still in quite the tizzy over it.
Posted by: ryan at May 13, 2003 03:47 PM
Ok, sorry, good point.
Posted by: Punxking at May 13, 2003 03:48 PM
I don't know, Ryan in a cage dancing...kind of a Kid Rock type thing...it could work. Imagine all those women mad with lust.
Posted by: Lori at May 13, 2003 04:08 PM
Bawadibah, yo.
Posted by: ryan at May 13, 2003 04:12 PM
At mere mention of the now-legendary Pole Dancing Incident, I find a rise in pulse rate that leaves me weak and breathless. Thus, should I pursue a career in rock stardom, it would behoove my performance not to be distracted by the raw sexual energy unleashed beside me.
That is all.
Posted by: Megan at May 13, 2003 05:20 PM
Great entry and well put. As far as Hollywood is concerned I just wonder how many of the stars actually use their money for good?
It seems to me when you get past a mansion on each coast, 15+ luxury cars, wearing a new outfit only once and you're at the point where your assistants have assistants then maybe you can find just little twinkle of kindness and make a difference to all those "peeps" you're still down with.
Kudos to the stars for having mad cash, they obviously zigged where the rest of us have zagged, but I agree that the public is in a coma when it comes to the state of the world.
It's like we're witnessing a car wreck, locked in with that deer-in-the-headlights-look, knowing full well another wreck is about to happen, but we don't do anything about it.
Posted by: A.J. at May 13, 2003 05:43 PM
At mention of the pole dancing, I find myself also with an exaggerated pulse rate, and begin to feel myself weak and breathless, right up until the instant when I toss my cookies in a mighty technicolor yawn.
Posted by: Commander Foley at May 13, 2003 05:48 PM
Ryan-dude:
This will probably changing the subject BUT:
If a guy teases a girl mercilessly--but in a good-natured way--and gives her extravagant blush-inducing compliments within meeting her for the first couple of times, does it mean that:
a. He fancies her
or
b. It's just his way of being friendly
Let me know... I'm curious about this 'Male Mystique' thing-- Hell, why don't you write a blogpost about the probable signs that a guy has the hots for a girl. We women need a bit of clarification on that point occasionally... and some of us, like dimwit me, need it as How To Read Men Properly 101
Thanks!
Posted by: glovefox at May 13, 2003 06:15 PM
I'm with you, Wiz. Ray's show is a one-joke premise and that one joke seems to be the one that millions of Americans find hilariously funny week after week. (And night after night in syndication.) Stupid husband/wife withholding sex. Ha. And ha ha. It makes me sad. I better go look at the pole dancing pics again to pick myself back up.
Posted by: redhead at May 13, 2003 06:59 PM
I didn't realize that my pole-dancing had medicinal qualities.
Posted by: ryan at May 13, 2003 09:49 PM
I got news for CBS.... Not everyone loves Raymond
Posted by: neglogon at May 14, 2003 08:41 AM
Never wrote before, but thought I'd scoop it if you haven't read it yet...
Jennifer Garner's a free woman!
---
http://www.msnbc.com/news/913086.asp
Just thought you should know ;)
Posted by: David R at May 14, 2003 09:15 AM
Heh. Is the Pope Catholic? Course I knew!
I'm just letting her sit shiva for a bit before making my move.
Posted by: ryan at May 14, 2003 09:41 AM