Wading in the Velvet Sea

I avoid this phenomenon like a hybrid disease that's equal parts plague, leprosy and whooping cough. Post-breakup, there's always going to be a song or two that reminds you of that other person, and, in my case, will lead to a sudden yelp and jamming of the radio buttons in my car to avoid it. In time, one may be rehabilitated to said song. But if it's "our [read: her] song," not a chance in hell.

I've had a few, most recently Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight", Dave Matthew's "Crash" and Coldplay's "Yellow". All major commercial successes, but nonetheless decent tunes. My sister and I have a song that we send to each other when the poo-poo hits the fan, "Don't Panic" by Coldplay.

I have never, and would never, deliberately delegate a song as "our song." Even when I was a teenager and friends had a song, I thought they deserved to be poked with hot irons. However, you inevitably have songs that will remind you of your paramour, and in the beginning of the relationship, that's wonderful. You get giddy everytime you hear the song. One of those for me was also "Yellow," and then it was the entire Ryan Adams cd "Gold," mostly because it was always playing in his car. Then we broke up and whenever I listened to that cd, mostly out of self-torture, I was reduced to a weeping mess. But after time passes, those tunes can make you happy again, depending upon the situation you're in with the ex (friends or utter disdain).

Just as an entirely other option, there are songs that you had never heard of while with your s.o., but heard shortly after the break-up and which become associated purely with the break-up, sans trace of the former happiness. I like to call these "Slit My Wrist Songs."

My current "Slit My Wrist Song" is "My Immortal" by Evanescence.

About 5 songs on the most recent Coldplay album used to fit this bill, until I realized that, in fact, these songs did NOT AT ALL reflect what I was feeling.

Still, second best record that came out in 2002, behind "Sea Change" by Beck.

I've been in a "Why doesn't anyone love me?" funk recently, and I listened to "Sea Change" the other night. Not pretty. Sometimes you just want to wallow in your pity, though.

"Wild Thing" - who the heck sings that?
"I Want You" - The Beatles
"The Promise" - Tracy Chapman

And the current winner...
"At Last" - Etta James
(and, arguably, "Let's Get it On" by Marvin Gaye. More as a funny Austin Powers moment, though. 'one for me, and one for my homies')

I don't think anyone really goes through their CD collection searching for a song to call "our song," it just happens. I'm one of those who has an ongoing living soundtrack in my head. Songs will always remind me of such and such an event, or they'll have me thinking of an old friend and such.

Where was I going with this? I guess it's natural to have songs that mean things to you, but to pick out a song solely for that purpose is not just unnatural, it's cheesy.

Oh wait, now I remember. My first girlfriend ever and I had an "our song." This'll take you all back -- Brian Adams, "Everything I Do (I Do for You)." I don't recall being involved in this decision, though. It's possible I was only informed after she'd already dumped me.

Anytime there's an autocracy in the "our song" selection, that's a good sign that there may be a power imbalance in the relationship.

While I too despise the idea of having "our song," one of my favorite relationshippy songs is "There is a Light that Never Goes Out," by the Smiths.

driving in your car, i never never want to go home
because i haven't got one, no, i haven't got one
and if a double-decker bus crashes into us
to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die
and if a ten-ton truck kills the both of us
to die by your side, well the pleasure, the privilege is mine

Yeah, I used to have fucked-up relationships. So?

I started looking to date a girl with green eyes after Jenny and I broke up, thanks to Coldplay's "Green Eyes". I wanted this to be a song about this future girl. Then I realized all 267 levels of wrongness with this theory.

Probably my most "High Fidelity" moment of the past 2 months, in a 60-day span of some seriously odd occurrences.

I don't think I've ever been in a relationship with a "song". That just seems cheesy on a multitude of levels. There are certain songs that will remind me of people or a certain time or place.

Beck's "Sea Change" has to be one of the best break-up albums ever. If your love is on the outs and you want to wallow alone in your room with old photographs and a bottle of vodka, this is the soundtrack.

What's the recommendation for if your love is on the outs and you just want to break stuff? I'm a month removed from that, but it wouldn't have hurt to have a soundtrack. Not so big on the wallowing.

Well, definitely not anything by Limp Bizkit.

I'd recommend a CD full of Strong Bad MP3s. I cannot be upset when listening to some of those.

I have a question, what if you are not an "our song" couple, does the first song at your wedding become the default "our song" for the couple? Is there some other way in which the process can be automated and a song selected "for" you? I guess if forced (at gun point, say) that I wouldn't mind the song from my wedding, but I still don't think I could ever bring myself to utter the words, "Listen honey, it's our song."

Our wedding song was "I'm gonna be" ("500 Miles") by the Proclaimers, but mostly because you have to have a happy song to play at just the right moment, and we both liked it. I've never thought of it as "our song". There are so many other songs I find more significant, and I think the most significant of all is that I can no longer distinguish between songs that are significant to *me* and songs that are significant to*us*. I guess that's what happens when you build your life around each other.

My wedding song was "Heaven" by Bryan Adams...which was also his and his ex-girlfriend's song. That should have told me something right there.

The only "our song" I've ever had was in 5th grade..."Eternal Flame" by the Bangles...No point to this post, other than that any and all references to the Bangles are funny.

The Bangles are one of those bands whose best song ("Hazy Shade of Winter") wasn't even theirs. Call it the "Alien Ant Farm Theory".

I have to say that "Walk Like an Egyptian" was an 80s cultural milestone.

talk about breaking down cultural barriers...You know, I bet the hatred for Americans in the Middle East can be traced back to the release of "Walk Like an Egyptian."

But... but... but...

All the cops in the doughnut shops, yeah...(Way-oh, way-oh, way-ohhhhhhh, way-ohhhhhhhhh) ... walk like an Egyptian. Walk like an Egyptian, I say.

Until that song, I had no idea that all Egyptians actually walk around with their arms sticking out like cave-art...And Ryan - the Bangles best song was clearly "Eternal Flame"...oh wait, that wasn't theirs either...In light of the obvious demographic of this page, can't we call it the Debbie Gibson/Tiffany Theory instead of the Alien Ant Farm Theory?

With lyrics as catchy as that, how could anyone find fault with that song?

And you know the Bangles other big hit, "Manic Monday" was written by Prince.

To add absolutely nothing of value . . . =)

The whole concept of an "our song" is completely cheesy, and I agree that people who do this deserve to be poked with hot irons, made fun of, whatever tickles your fancy.

However, that said, music has a way of associating itself with certain events. My first bf was incredibly cheesy, and when I finally agreed to date him (bad sign #1 of 14690), he made me get out of the car in my mother's driveway and slow dance to Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" . . . and the entire U2 CD (I think it's Joshua Tree) reminds of the incredibly long drive to Moose Jaw to visit his relatives (something I actually looked forward to - I loved his family dearly) . . .

Anyways, pointless rambling aside . . . yeah . . . I've got nothing important to say. =)

Going back to Foley's request, "Song For The Dumped" by Ben Folds Five does the trick quite nicely.