Wading in the Velvet Sea

Ryan-dude:

By your PSI standards, I'm DOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!

Every friggin' person I know--both men and women, young and old, relatives, friends, strangers--all think that I am 'cute'.

What is it about petite Asian women that inspire everyone to have one and only one adjective to describe them?

I HATE BEING SHORT!!!

ARGH!!!!

Glovefox, being tall is no picnic either. It makes you seem unapproachable.
Or maybe it's just my personality...... :)

What if you could be considered cute or attractive? Does the fact that I believe that Radiohead is THE GREATEST band of all time make more attractive, or does the fact that I am married to someone who plays Everquest and is a beta tester for the new Star Wars game keep me forever in the cute category?

I agree with your classifications thus far. However, based on said classifications, those like glovefox labeled as cute, will always be second best. Is that really accurate? And if you're second best going into a tryst, how can you even begin to work on the OFACE? Especially if you've read this blog and now know all of this?

Glovefox, and others who hate being always simply "cute", can go for the secondary blend of "cute" and "sexy", which can be LETHAL.

It's like Arwen said. There's still hope...

Attention Radiohead fans.... http://www.msnbc.com/news/927850.asp?0dm=L22OL

I happen to have a ten foot pole in my office... it comes in handy when the office is flooded and I need to use a punt or gondola to visit folks in the QA group. I briefly considered using said ten foot pole on today's blog entry, but then decided that's just not enough distance.

Needless to say, the opinions expressed herein are those of Ryan McGee and, as he himself pointed out last night, "Well, you never agree with me on women anyway, so..."

They aren't even opinions, man, like I told you last night. They are discussion topics. Open-ended debate is the sight's forte lately and this seemed in context with what's going on.

I guess I should just put tags around my articles from now on. Geez.

Heather, can you believe some of those locations? I can't believe my closest venue is stinking Camden, NJ (my apologies to anyone who may live in Camden -- I just hate driving)!
I'm really excited about Supergrass supporting them though. Love them!

Dude, no one can sell you down the river quicker than I can. :)

Glovefox, hang in there. You're not doomed. "Cute" is a good thing.

Re: the Radiohead element in this thread...

I feel like that guy attacking the "Death Star" at the end of "Episode IV":

"Stay on topic..."

"But I wanna talk about this instead!"

"Stay on topic..."

"The comments are coming too fast!"

"Stay on topic..."

I thought Radiohead helped take back the O. C'mon!! A little machinery, some batteries and Radiohead in the background...that's a serious argument for some pleasure.

Poor Ryan. He tries to get us to talk about Radiohead for days but gets tons of comments about orgasms instead. Then he tries playing to the crowd and all of a sudden the Radiohead comments start creeping in. You can't win, can you McGee? (This is not sarcasm)

I'm just not up for discussing whether or not I agree on these categories. It forces you to look at yourself and which one you fit into, and frankly that makes me a little self-conscious. I'm not going to give myself a label and I wouldn't want to do that to a guy either. Women scrutinize themselves way too much as it is.

Fox, maybe to the people that you want to be with put you in this category but I am sure there are many a man who would find you in one of the other pies on the wheel of fortune color chart that Ryan has come up with. With just a change of attitude or a completely different look you could go from cute to killer!

Or stay "cute" and be OK with it. Some guys love cute. No need to change.

I believe Ryan pointed this out in his entry, that the PSI's listed are in the eye of the beholder. While one person may label glovefox as "cute," another may see "sexy" or "attractive," and I am SURE there are men out there who find short Asian women both attractive and sexy. I think that's even a fetish. But analyzing yourself to determine which PSI you fit into is rather futile and potentially self-destructive.

Glovefox, you should be psyched that you have many people rushing to the betterment of your ego. For the record, the "unapproachablly cute" friend that McGee cites is someone who I would date in a heartbeat if a.) she lived anywhere near me and b.) I thought she had the slightest interest in me.

As the Greek guy in "Muppets Take Manhattan" would say, "Peoples is peoples. Is color wheel interesting? Yes. Is what every guy thinks? No. Peoples is peoples."

Espcially since I frickin' made the PSIs up!

Sigh.

Diana- some of those locations are pretty wack. I don't have anything near me really. Sigh. Another concert series I will miss. I would love to hear them perform that song from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack, although the name totally escapes me right now.

I didn't know they had a song on the R&J soundtrack. Can't believe I missed that. I just spoke to my husband and we decided to give this one a miss since it's so far to drive. Bummer.

Maybe this will add some insight.

I am not sure what guys say about me. One time I was called beautiful, but didn't believe them. Although you love your parents it just doesn't cut it for you. I do remember one day my brother told me that I was attractive but not a "WOW Girl". A "Wow Girl" in his terms was someone that makes you drool on the spot and you take several looks at the perfection that walked by. What that meant to me : men morphing into dogs and running along side the "wow girl" and panting. I was 18 when he said that, been scarred ever since.

Jada, I'm kinda glad he didn't say you were a "Wow Girl" considering the fact that HE'S YOUR BROTHER!
Please don't take it to heart.

Well in truth he isn't my blood brother or step brother, its one of those sits that we act like brother and sister and known each other for so long that I consider him my brother and vise versa. (sounds strange I know) But I just have a habit of calling him my brother.

Jada, so he would fall into the cute category for you, is what you are saying?

LOL. MArc.

Hi all!

Man! I just leave my puter for several hours to get my hair done up for tonight's formal dinner and I come back to this!

Thank you guys so much for the vote of confidence!

I'm starting to think that we women never seem to be happy with what we have. Take for instance, today at the hairdresser's, my hairdresser told me throughout the whole intricate process of putting my hair up that she has never met ONE woman who was completely satisfied with their hair. It's always 'too curly', 'too straight', 'too limp', 'has a funny kink in it' etc etc.

I suppose that's how we are about our looks, particularly since the overall look is what makes us (un)attractive to The Other Side (or so we think, either way).

Nevertheless, I'm working on shedding the 'cute' syndrome at the moment but quite unsuccessfully. Someone said to me: "Boy! You are really cute as a button but man--anyone who just goes by your looks are in for a shock if they think you're a pushover..."

So being outwardly cute has it's (Albeit minor) advantages of the element of surprise.

To the guys: Thanks for the interesting comments on gradations of attractiveness, cuteness etc. Always interesting to see what guys think.

Ryan-dude: One day, I swear reading your blog will give me a heart attack either from laughing too much or swearing (ladylike, of course) too much...

I can sympathize with Jada. I was admittedly an ugly child, with huge buck teeth and a bottom jaw that was too small for my head (I have since had radical orthodontic work). One day, after a particularly trying day at school, I was crying to my mother about why I wasn't beautiful, to which she responed, "Jen, you're never going to be Miss America." Wow. Thanks mom.

Jen, not to be rude but that is one of lifes greatest lessons, this ain't a fair f*****g world. You make the best with what you got, either Looks, Money, Intelligence or whatever but be confident in yourself and it will show through to the people who are mature enough to look past just pure beauty alone.

People tend to think the Y chromosone set has the market cornered on saying wildly inappropriate or unintentionally demoralizing things. But I think family members as a group have it all over either gender group.

Quite right! They probably think they're helping by telling us how it is...Sure it's a great lesson, but it's not exactly what a distraught 8 year old needs to hear at the moment. But you might be happy to hear that today I'm pretty confident and considered attractive. A story of triumph!

Jen, you're fucking hot! Who are you kidding. And you are pretty confident. Me...I'm stuck with the cute label. Yay.

You know...I have never been called ugly. I was an ugly child, of course, but as an adult I have never been called ugly. Fat, yes...ugly no. My father was especially good at calling me fat, even though I wasn't! Of course, he called me useless back then too, which I wasn't. Hey, let's have some group therapy! Riiiiiiiiiiight.

Although "hot" is not a word I would use to describe myself (you know that Kim, but thank you for the compliment), that designation comes with its own set of problems....Most men perceive you as a stupid piece of ass, while most women perceive you as a threat. Kinda makes it hard to make (or keep) friends.....

There is just far too much pressure to be a woman.

Jen, how about "really, really ridiculously good looking"? HA!

I agree jen, the family members saying things to ya just doesn't mean the same. But hey I am a firm believer that we all are beautiful in our own way. There are ways I have read to make you feel better about who you are, I am into the gods and goddesses of love ect. ie: Aphrodite I learned this technique to do if anyone is interested:
Imagine that you are going scuba diving. Expert divers are with you to help you travel into the depths of the ocean safely. Visualize yourself putting on your oxygen mask and dropping under the water, going deeper and deeper toward the bottom of the ocean. There you come upon a large, shining chest. With the help of your fellow divers, you bring it to the surface, where it pops open to reveal a most beautiful, radiant, glowing model of you. As you usher your other self out of the waves and into shore, the model breathes the fresh air and comes to life. You face a replica of yourself that has your exact shape and looks exquisitely beautiful, radiating love and vulnerability. Your skin is soft and tender; your expression is serene and gracious. There is golden light all around you. You take off your scuba gear walk gently, hand-in-hand with yourself up the beach. As you breathe in and out, her beauty envelops you completely. Allow this experience to help change the way you walk, the way you hold yourself, the way you breathe and the way you feel about yourself.

by Agapi Stassinopoulos

Call me nuts; I have a hard time putting faith into anything said by a guy named "Agapi".

I don't know that walking down the street holding my invisible self's hand will help my single situation either.

Ryan, you are nuts. Look where you work! Keep up the 60 hour work weeks and you may find yourself rocking in a corner calling yourself "Agapi"!

Walking down the street holding your invisible self's hand certainly couldn't hurt. :) Fundamentally, it's all about being comfortable and confident with yourself. If you are, then there's no way you'll put up with a guy who's not interested in your needs and who is unwilling to look past the puppy dog facade to the lionness within. If you're not, then you just may find yourself saying, "Hey, you know, I haven't reached the Promised Land in two years now... maybe this indicates a larger problem with the relationship. Like why does he keep asking me to do his laundry for him?"

How do you like that? I actually tied this all back into the TuBTOM movement.

YAY! you get an A+ for the Day, you understood.

cute, attractive, commander.

Hey, I just re-read McGee's first paragraph. Dare I suggest as a future column delivering on its promise and giving the folks ways to tell if a guy is "likely to put you into a categorical box from which you'll never escape, never, never, never, MWA HA HA" or "likely to embrace your inner Agapi Stassinopoulos (if you know what I'm sayin', and I think you do. Heh heh. Stassinopoulos...)"?

Great. Every time I see "Agapi" I think of "Finding Nemo": ES-CAH-PAY!

So Foley, you want me to break down ways that men are gonna turn out to be losers? Sort of a Moron-Dar?

Ok, I was being literal, as in walking down the street holding an invisible person's hand would make me look like a loon. I do realize that being comfortable in my own skin (which I am) is a very attractive quality. Because I like who I am and know what I deserve, I don't put up with a lot of crap. I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me!

Just a suggestion. Sort of looked like you were going to go in that direction in the first place. Plus it might balance out the gender self-image issues that have sprouted today.

What a TuBTOM month, we have discussed everything from arousal to self worth. Wonder how many shrinks are getting visited this month?

Yes, sometimes sarcasm doesn't travel well over this medium.

Lori, not to worry, I actually got what you meant, because you definitely come off as a confident person, full of self-worth and not about to put up with a selfish bastard just to feel good about yourself. My comments were more for folks who might be thinking, "What does my inner Agapi have to do with gettin' it on, aside from the obvious EVERYTHING?"

"Inner Agapi" is the Greatest. Phrase. Ever.

And I can never use it in conversation except with someone who reads this site. Oh well.

That's right Commander, I have embraced my Inner Agapi. But I'm thinking that since there are so many women out there who think their Inner Agapi is somewhere near the lower intestine, we should have classes. "Embracing Your Inner Agapi: Finding the OFACE Within." Something like that. Taught by that lady who does the Sunday Night Sex Show on the Oxygen network.

"Taught by that lady who does the Sunday Night Sex Show on the Oxygen network."

Ah! She's evil!

And I mean that in an MST3K kind of way.