Wading in the Velvet Sea

My computer hates me, because I spit all over it while laughing at your blog. Great entry.

Other men to add to your entry:
Kobe Bryant (though he's taking a lot of heat right now, so maybe I shouldn't pile it on. Oh, what the hell)
Ben Affleck (just seems like an ass. And he's with J. LO! Excuse me?)
Justin Timberlake (why oh why do women find him attractive? And I don't think his voice is that compelling either)

I'm sure there's more, but that's my dose of mean for the morning.

1) Pamela Anderson - ick. Just ick.
2) Jennifer Lopez (I liked her when she was in Out of Sight and when she was Selena. Even when she was with P.Diddy. Even in the Wedding Planner. It was when she was everywhere I turned that the bile began to creep upwards, and now I want to take her out like Mr. Garrison did to Kathy Lee.)
3) Tara Reid - no explanation needed.
4) Not a celebrity, but someone my friends and I refer to as "Big Booty Ho." I have nothing against girls with big arses (mine could rival J. Lo's anyday) but this girl is really nasty. Just...yech.
5) The girl that my friend's son is marrying. A plastic surgery nightmare and social climber. Really a horrible specimen of a person.

Kudos Ryan (and not the "granola" bar kind). My reverse 5 would have to include:

Men:

1. Freddie Prinze Jr. (The way he speaks bugs me. The fact that I heard an interview with him saying he would prefer his wife to be home and in the kitchen really bothered me; and I really can't get the image of him as Fred in Scooby Doo out of mind. Why does he get work, again?)

2. Ricky Martin (Just admit you're gay and move on.

3. Matthew Lillard (1. He's always in movies with Freddie, and 2. Is there evidence of any brain cells in his head?)

4. Andy Dick (He just scares me.)

5. Harrison Ford (I don't care if he is Han Solo. I hate him! Especially for being with Calista Flockhart. Why?????)

Women:

1. Jennifer Love Hewitt (Hi. With such a large forehead you would think I could sing better.)

2. Sarah Michelle Gellar (I know she's Buffy and all, but c'mon...she married Freddie!)

3. Britney Spears (I just hate her)

4. Jennifer Lopez. (Whatever)

5. Drew Barrymore (Just kidding Ryan!)

Interesting how a lack of Foley means a lack of comments. He must be some sort of synaptic link in the nerve bundle of these comments.

I can't really conjure up that much venom today. So I'm going to go to the extreme... "Which celebrities would cause me not only to freak out because my gf cheated on me but freak out in general and possibly even break my non-vomit streak?" (Yes, I haven't vomited since 1985. Like most streaks, that's about 10% will and 90% luck of the draw.)

5.) Tom Bosley of "Happy Days" and Glad Trash Bag commercial fame. I never, ever want to hear that special someone quietly and distressedly whisper, "I did it with Mr. C."

4.) Ari Fleischer. It's be one thing if it were Powell or Rummsfeld, you know, men with presence. Heck, even W., because no matter what you think, the guy's in great shape. And sure, historically post-Kennedy White House Press Secretaries usually come off as adverserial. But Ari Fleischer has a know-it-all, Captain of the Debate Team, "I'm claiming that I'm 1/32 Native American on all my college applications and they can do the paperwork to disprove it if they want" demeanor that brings new meaning to the phrase, "That's for me to know and you to find out." Bonus demerits if he uses a clause in the Patriot Act as a pickup line.

3.) Emmanuel Lewis. No no no no NO. I mean, do you hear the girlish squeal he makes when he laughs these days?

2.) Carrot Top. I have given a name to my pain, and it is Carrot Top.

1.) Any member, past or current, of the New York Yankees. As Patrick Stewart would say, "The line must be drawn HEE-YAH! This far, no farther! And I will make them pay for what they've done!"

Celebrity women who I would only sleep with if doing so would somehow cure cancer:

5.) Jennifer Love Hewitt. JUST GO AWAY! Playing in traffic in your video was a good start. Your career is over. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Just go away. (Ironically, this makes her a prime candidate for the Alyssa Milano "revive your career via Cinnemax" maneuver.)

4.) Yasmeen Bleeth. Only beats Pamela Anderson with this spot because at least Pam isn't a raging coke-head (um, as far as we know.)

3.) Andie McDowell. The rain scene in "Four Weddings and a Funeral." With acting that wooden, I'd be better off wooing Pinnochio.

2.) Christina Aguilera. It'd never work out. I'm a neat freak and she's dirrty.

1.) Tara Reid. How to succeed in show biz with no discernible talent, except for getting really drunk in public and taking your top off! Her dog is named Stoli, for God's sake.

Yes, two of Carson Daly's ex-gfs are on this list. 'Nuff said.

1. SIBBIE!!! I HATE SIBBIE!!!!

1. I HATE MY JOB!!!! Just had to get that out.

Five women who are considered beautiful and talented whom I absolutely despise....Ready? Heather Locklear, Cameron Diaz, Hillary Duff, Meg Ryan, and this little blonde bimbo photographer that I know. Let's face it, if it wasn't for their "I'd-like-to-see-her-bent-over-my-knee-in-a-Catholic-school-girl-uniform" appeal, they would have gotten nowhere. You'll notice the lack of brunettes in my list. And yes, I'm bitter!

Sorry kids. Had a meeting this morning. And blood work. But that's another story.

Bitchy jealous tendencies aside, here are my candidates for the walk of shame:

1. Callista Flockhart/Lara Flynn Boyle/Victoria Beckham (Posh Spice). Any of these three would turn my husband into a complete hypocrite since he's constantly claiming that only curvier women appeal to him. He's also a big guy, and I don't think I can withstand the murder charge if he breaks them.
2. Jennifer Love Hewitt. How does this happen? How do people like her get famous? Whatever.
3. Tori Spelling. Oh wait, isn't she super rich? Well, maybe I'll allow it if he extorts money and uses it to buy me diamonds, DIAMONDS!!!
4. Anne Heche. She'll take him to her ship, perform weird experiments on him and dump him in a corn field. Next thing I know, he'll have a probe up his ass.
5. Aaliyah. Because she's dead. Eww.

I also have a problem with SMG but only because she was woefully miscast as Daphne. Whose stupid idea was that?

For the longest time, I didn't get the Leo DiCaprio thing, but it actually turned out he could act so I'll give him a pass.

A few ones to throw out there:

1. Viggo Mortensen: for chrissakes, the man doesn't bathe!

2. Any current or former member of any boy band on (they're all basically interchangeable). (Corrollary: any former Mouseketeer.)

3. Johnny Depp. Dude just creeps me out.

4. Anyone who Pamela Anderson (Lee) has ever been involved with (Kid Rock, Tommy Lee, etc.). The cocktail of veneral diseases they'd get is too horrid to contemplate.

5. Steven Tyler of Aerosmith.

6. Any Rolling Stone - then or now.

I also have to give honorable mention to Strong Sad and the Poopsmith.

Hmmm, Jen. I wonder who that little blonde photographer is.

Oh my God! I completely forgot Lara Flynn Boyle/Victoria Beckham! I despise them too! Would someone please hold them down and stuff shepherd's pie down their throats? And Tori Spelling! Excuse me while I go set fire to a cat.

You guys are too damn funny... here's my five unforgivable in no particular order: Roseanne Barr (her voice makes me twitch),Latoya Jackson(um,anything that looks remotely close to what Wacko Jacko looks like now is just plain unpleasant), Katie Couric (I'm sure there are some Katie fans out there, but if you watch closely, the way she belittles her interview subjects make you realize what a witch she is. I saw her tell an author to stop shaking her leg because it bothered her. You could tell it really embarassed the lady), Barbara Streisand (she just disgusts me with her ranting with no factual basis), and Sporty Spice because well, she's, er, um, scary.

what's with Ben Afflect and all that mouth... I feel like he's tripping over it all the time. I can't stand to watch.

on the other hand. i looooooove ari fleischer. love love love. I'd love to smack him around a bit.

that's all i have.

1. Uma Thurman. I think she is hideous. Why would anyone think she is pretty? I rip her perfume ads out of magazines so I don't have to look at them.

2. JLo. Just blech. She had potential, but she blew it.

3. Cameron Diaz. I can see the attraction but she just seems...dirty or something.

Beyond the obvious Jennifer Love Hewitts, Christina Aguileras and Pamela Andersons, I can't think of any others who would absolutely gross me out. Oh wait -- Christina Applegate. Has anyone else noticed that she is covered in hair? I've seen pictures of her in magazines in revealing dresses where they can't even airbrush it all out. She's like a gorilla.

Yes I would be upset....
1. Cameron Diaz- so annoying.
2. Lelee Sobieski- her voice is like a man's baby.
3. Yasmeen Bleeth- even if she has kicked her habit her face is still creepily moon-like.
4. Jennifery Connelly- scary caterpillar eyebrows
5. Brittany Murphy- whats up with her? i mean really...

"2. Lelee Sobieski- her voice is like a man's baby."

Um, how so?

i think i have a thing for voices and hers is really deep and monotone. just bothers me!

That's cool. Just never really thought of a male baby as having a deep and monotone voice.

you know what i mean! haha. "She's a man, baby!" Austin Powers.
guess i should have put the comma in there....

Yeah, that would have helped a lot. "Her voice is like a man's baby? Like a baby that a man gave birth to? Or like a baby that wasn't artificially inseminated? Or like a baby being raised by a single parent and the single parent is the guy? What the? How does that describe vocal quality?" he seemed to say.

It's catching on!

http://lilmija.blogspot.com/2003_07_20_lilmija_archive.html#105909484611312381

yes sometimes i do not know the confusion caused by my own words...

"To quote Ryan and his sidekick Commander Foley"

I'm officially the sidekick now. Great. Ain't no way I'm doing the Robin "no pants" look, I'll tell ya that right now!

Also, I got to say the big Reverse 5 surprise for me is Ms. Jolie. Not that I have a single thing against her (well, now that she's got the more toned Lara Croft look going, as opposed to the "hasn't eaten in five years" "Girl, Interrupted" look), just sort of surprises me that she's so widely esteemed. Especially with the stuff with Billy Bob and her brother and her blood fascination and her already being married what? three times? and stuff.

1. Jennifer Love-Hewitt. UGH.
2. Jessica Simpson. WTF!?
3. Rebecca Pigeon. Worst. Actress. Ever.
4. Kelly Ripa. So annoying.
5. Celine Dion. Yuck.

Barbra
Love-Hewitt
Daisy Fuentes
Roseanne
Rosie

Yes there are many others, I'm sure, that I'll think of later.

Men?
Tom Cruise
Carrot Top, definitely
Gallager
Al Franken
Al Gore

ick!