Wading in the Velvet Sea

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July 25, 2003

Friday Roundtable

Well, it?s Friday. Usually at this point, over the last month, I?ve been sound asleep, murmuring something like, ?Keira, stop, no, that tickles??

Today, though, for the first time in a month, I?m at work. And I?m exhausted.

Exhausted both mentally and physically. I am not the spry young duck I was once, my luxurious head of hair to the contrary. I love going to NYC, but every time I go, it takes away more hit points than this Rohan warrior can stand. (Yes, I just made LOTR role-playing reference. Deal, yo.) Couple that with an actual social life, plus email/IM angst, coupled with planning yet another weekend getaway, coupled with a hellish work week, and having to suffer than mental anguish of working through my Anti 5, and yea, I?m Wading in the Fuzzy Mental Sea this morning.

So, a few questions from the crowd, some 80?s references, a burlesque kickline, and we all go home happy, eh?

So where does ?Wading in the Velvet Sea? come from, anyways?

?Wading? is the name of a song by Phish off their album, ?The Story of the Ghost?. It?s probably my 45th favorite Phish song. I can?t explain why I dubbed my blog this, other than the fact that, at the time, it sounded good. Come to think of it, I can pretty much attribute everything on my site to ?at the time, it sounded good.? (Then again, I called my ex, Cathy, a ?gordita? once, and that sounded good at the time, so maybe I should rethink my editorial policy.) So no, for the last time, it doesn?t mean something dirty.

When is the series of ?Wading? merchandising coming out?

Ah, funny you should mention that. Over in R+D, we?ve got a lot of ideas at the Beta stage. Right now, here?s a list of the promising prototypes:

• The Ryan Ruxpin Doll: A 36??, plush version of me. You place a cassette in its back, and it starts mouthing terribly inappropriate stories.
• The Commander Foley Battle-Action Figure: Fully bendable, in some ways that might possibly be illegal. Equipped with a machine gun and a First Folio. If you open the Folio to ?The Merchant of Venice?, his chest expands and becomes a flotation device.
• Diana?s Party Dream House: Three stories, with changing rooms and costumes racks abounding. However, since her husband finds Barbie attractive, she?s not let in the house. Or even near it. Damn skank.
• TBTO?The Home Game!: Endless round of fun! See who can blueball their partner the longest while receiving endless sexual gratification! You in fact don?t go to Jail, you go to Flashdancers and are given $200! Ages 4 and up.
• The ?I Read Ryan?s Blog and All I Got Was Impregnated With His Love Child? T-Shirt: Pretty self-explanatory. Available in S, L, XL, and baby tee.

So forth and so on. More to come.

Hey, how do you type with boxing gloves on?

Huh? What? DELETED!

Hey Ryan, how do you do it?

I dunno, man. I just like, wake up, and um, do it. Yea. That answer your question?

Don?t you think the pointless sexual objectification and incessant start-gazing and endless stories of strip clubs somehow take away from the brimming intellect shining under the surface of your chrome dome? I mean, honestly, you could be the greatest writer of the 21st century, if only your mind wasn?t so phallocentrically buried.

Look, unless you?re writing this email barefoot from your kitchen, I?m not responding.

I wanna throw an ?I Love the 80?s? Dance Party. What songs MUST be on this list?

Oh. Darn. Now I have to think. Damnit.

OK, the one and only one, above reproach, that MUST be there, is ?Like a Prayer?. Absolutely. I will NOT argue about this. Damn near religious experience, and not even in a ?make out with a black Jesus? sorta way. I?ve been to parties salvaged by simply having this song. And, when placed at the proper moment of a party, sends it to Manute Bol-esque heights.

After that, I mean, you?re pretty much on your own for ?must have songs?. I?d throw in ?Tainted Love? and ?Blister in the Sun? for sure. If you wanna slow things down, go for ?(I Just) Died in Your Arms Tonight? by Cutting Crew, or ?Talking in Your Sleep? by The Romantics.

You can always go for ?Footloose? and ?Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go (Into a Bathroom Stall With an Undercover Cop?. Those work as good dance songs. And as tests of men?s comfort level with their own sexuality.

Other great 80?s songs sadly don?t hold up under dance pressure. ?I Ran? by A Flock of Seagulls may possibly be my favorite 80?s song, but you can?t dance to it. I just wanna hop in my car and go somewhere. Probably, like, CVS, but still. I can?t dance to it. Same with ?Living on a Prayer?. Great singalong, bad dance tune. ?Your Love? by The Outfield is in this list too.

***

OK, well, that?s about all here from the HQ. Off to check on the puffiness of the Commander Foley action figure. Toodles.

Posted by Ryan McGee at July 25, 2003 10:19 AM

Comments

Posted by: Commander Foley at July 25, 2003 10:41 AM

Posted by: Commander Foley at July 25, 2003 10:44 AM

Posted by: ryan at July 25, 2003 10:45 AM

Posted by: ryan at July 25, 2003 10:45 AM

Posted by: Lori at July 25, 2003 11:06 AM

Posted by: Lori at July 25, 2003 11:07 AM

Posted by: Commander Foley at July 25, 2003 11:21 AM

Posted by: Commander Foley at July 25, 2003 11:24 AM

Posted by: Lori at July 25, 2003 11:32 AM

Posted by: redhead at July 25, 2003 11:54 AM

Posted by: Commander Foley at July 25, 2003 11:58 AM

Posted by: Diana at July 25, 2003 04:12 PM

Posted by: ryan at July 25, 2003 04:42 PM

Posted by: Commander Foley at July 25, 2003 11:56 PM

Posted by: Diana at July 26, 2003 07:43 AM