Wading in the Velvet Sea

I’ve thought a bunch lately about the nature of my blog, especially when I read other blogs. (Don’t worry, this won’t be a long meta article. Stick with me here.) This site used to be, for all intents and purposes, a confessional with pop culture strewn for decorative purposes. And now, well, it’s 99% pop culture and comedy. I’m not dissing the way I used to write: it’s what I needed, and I’d like to think more than a few people not only appreciated it, but got something out of it as well. That’s my little ego trip there.

And now, well, I’m riding the curve back up again, without really realizing it. It’s easy to look back over the past few months and go, “Huh, well, looks like I’ve shied away from the personal in favor of the cultural…if one considers Nick Lachey cultural, that is.” And that’s because, obviously, of The Girl. I’m happy because she’s around, and I’m not really ready to write about us, mostly because we make ourselves gag, and I’m not about to subject you to similar schmaltz. I like y’all too much to do that to you.

Fear not, in a few months time there will be plenty of material to work from concerning her, once we figure a few things out. By then, there should be some value to impart. Until then, it’s all a variation of “We’re so cute sometimes we want to swallow our own tongues”. And really, who the eff wants to read that? Rambles, tho…peeps wanna read those. So let’s get down to bizzness…

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A co-worker sent me a Cam’ron MP3 that uses the theme from “Hill Street Blues” as its sample. I guess it was sorta cool when DMX used the theme to “Knight Rider”, but this is a bit much. What’s next? Missy Elliot using the theme to “Cagney and Lacey”? Ludacris sampling “Family Ties”? Snoop droppin’ “The Golden Girls” like they’re hot? When will the madness end?

I’m not a big fan of Paris Hilton, and I’m generally in favor of people mocking her, but I am not so sure I can feel good about this whole “her phone book was hacked and published on the internet”. After all, it involves other people, and there I draw the line. People like Jessica Simpson, and Lindsey Lohan, and…know what? Forget I said anything. Look up Jessica’s number, call her up, and ask her if her fridge is running. Go for it.

Speaking of Jessica…do we think it’ll be her or Ashlee that kills their father in cold blood? This is an episode of “Law and Order” waiting to happen. Watching Sam Waterson rip into the mother for being the passive-aggressive accomplice she is will be a great scene.

And speaking of “Law and Order”…just as the sun never set on the British Empire, it no longer sets on a rerun of this show. Holy crap. When will TBS officially change its name to the “Law and Order Network”?

Favorite headline of the week? “Jews Protest Natalie Portman”. The article goes onto explains that Orthodox Jews apparently rushed after Portman for filming a kissing scene near the Wailing Wall. But from the title, you’d assume that Jewish people got together and protested the idea of Portman herself as somehow offensive to their culture. The image of groups outside a Hillel with “’Mars Attacks’ Sucked!” signs comes to mind for some reason. “’Yahweh’ Hates Amidala!” “Find Jesus Already!” The list goes on. Luckily, this paragraph won’t.

Heard The Outfield’s “Your Love” the other day for the first time in years. Remembered all the lyrics. Yet I can’t remember my mother’s birthday. This is how my mind works.

Things you don’t normally hear from your ex over instant messenger: “Ryan, do you think I’m a B or a C cup?” And phrases such as “boob fat”. And the insistence that, if I ever do in fact blog about it, that I use the phrase “boob fat”. Usually, I hear nothing. Or words that rhyme with mocktrucker and crassbowl.

I know that my love affair with professional wrestling is over when that new John Stamos comedy looks like a viable alternative to “Smackdown”.

Album you must own: “Hot Fuss” by The Killers. The Girl bought this in the Fall, tried to push it on me, and I resisted, like I was a school kid resisting smack from a local dealer. Oh well. It’s in my veins now. Every song is amazing, but “Smile Like You Mean It” and “Andy, You’re a Star” are my current favorites. This record, along with “American Idiot” and the soundtrack to “Garden State”, which means I’m either gleefully happy, incredibly angry, or borderline suicidal, depending on when you catch me.

Remember when “Best Week Ever” wasn’t just 30 minutes of comedians spewing incredibly rehearsed “comedy” sketches, but in fact seemed like a spontaneous, collective mocking of culture? Me too. Those were good, good times. Jessi Klein, how could you?

Antoine Walker is a Boston Celtic again. If this means nothing to you, think about it this way: imagine that you have a relative that you don’t like, and one day you have a blowout with them, thinking you’ll never see them again, and suddenly they stand between you and your part of Grandma’s estate, and you have to deal with them again. I sort of imagine that’s what it’s like for some members of the Celtics organization right now.

In semi-related news, the Foxy Lady is trying to convince the Red Sox to take back Mo Vaughn.

Just told the ex I was going to put her IM session on the blog. She instantly had an addendum: “Mention that I'm wearing a new bra today -- it's one of the C's -- and I feel HUGE, like I'm a t-rex but with boobs instead of those little bitty claws…” And yes, I’m considering a fundraiser where I give out her phone number to the highest bidder.

Quick query: I’ve noticed a whole bunch ‘o visits to my book pages…if you’re one of the people that have done so, drop me an email saying what you thought (especially concerning the second one, as only The Girl had seen it before it went live). Thanks.