Wading in the Velvet Sea

Fact is, simply seeing footage from the Red Sox 2004 season made me freakin’ giddy. The fan footage just feels right. The bar scenes feel right. And maybe simply knowing that the backdrop to the film won’t end in complete and utter tragedy makes me want to give this film a chance I wouldn’t normally. (Why anyone would buy “Still, We Believe” is beyond me. I might as well pay someone to kick me in the nuts and then defecate on my bruised body.) The line about caring for something for 23 years, and how that’s a good thing…I mean, these things all hit home. Plus, Drew Barrymore. Drew Frickin’ Barrymore. Come on!

And yet…part of me feels like the NESN DVD is the only movie I really need. The Farrelly Brothers clearly have their hearts in this movie (if “Fever Pitch” were a “Spike Lee Joint”, I might have to kill myself), but I’m generally uncomfy with any movie that could potentially make me look like a depraved Masshole more than I already do to the world. The backlash towards Red Sox Nation is already boiling over. Between the Sox and the Pats, the rest of the country is pretty sick of us already. With the release of this movie, such hatred could reach, dare I say it, fever pitch?

(Ha! Get it? I used the name of the movie as a pun. God, I’m a genius! And yes, I’m running on fumes today! Thanks for asking!)

I guess it comes down to Fallon, and thus the movie hinges on a guy I really, really don’t enjoy watching. I could say I hate him, but that implies some sort of personal relationship with him. He’s on my Anti-5 list, so let’s put it that way. Some people found him hysterical on “SNL”, and to me, he was just smug. Like he knew he was funny. Which guaranteed that I found him completely unfunny. Tina Fey caught the bug after about six months with him at the Update desk, and only now is giving the “wink wink, I am so funny and I know it” look after each joke.

Nobody who knows he/she is attractive is actually attractive, and no one who knows they are funny are actually funny. Barrymore never seems to know she’s the most freakin’ adorable thing ever, thus makes me watch “50 First Dates” again and again. Not a great movie, but lordy she’s adorable in it. She never plays the “look, I’m pretending to be ugly to prove I don’t have an ego” the way certain actresses do, only those actresses never actually look terribly dowdy so what’s the point? I can’t get over how many people are shocked to find out men find Rachel Ray gorgeous. My mother thinks my brother and I are freaks due to our mutual swoonage over that woman. But she never really tries to be sexy, and because she’s naturally cool and fun, she becomes sexy, and that’s what most guys want, cuz if you have to overtly slut it up to be sexy, honey, you ain’t sexy.

(Then again, by showing the picture over there on the right, I’ve fairly guaranteed that not only am I a hypocrite, but I will be fairly hungry this weekend when I visit The Girl. It’ll be a lot of “Well, if you’re so darn hungry, why don’t you have that Rachel Ray come over and make you something, you a-hole?” statements coming my way. But, I mean, LOOK AT THAT. Or this. She might be in my Top 5 now. Lordy. The above paragraph was written by the “man” side of my personality, and the “guy” side posted the photo. The boy side is currently typing and giggling. So it goes.)

See, this is the beauty of blogging: I set out to write a serious treatise on the movie “Fever Pitch” and ended up Googling insanely hot photos of Rachel Ray. And that’s one to grow on.

Have a good weekend, everyone.