Wading in the Velvet Sea

“ryan comparing biceps”

I mean, really, this is unfair. I’ve long stopped comparing. With superior guns like these, it just leaves the other guys weeping in the corner. Just got to be too predictable, and the swath of men left drowning in their own inadequacies threatened to shut down the local economy. Mayor Menino and Governor Patrick insisted that I leave the Twins of Fury covered when amongst the general population so that order could once again be reestablished in the Commonwealth. I, being a lover of peace and democracy, agreed immediately.

“jemima khan pictures drunk britney bottom cars underwear celebrity night out”

Most of this is just utter nonsense, but I must say I’m absolutely fascinated by the concept of Jemima Khan. I’ve heard of some weird fanfic in my day, but nothing involving Aunt Jemima and Khan from “Star Trek”. I can’t even imagine how that would go.

Khan: “From hell's heart, I stab at thee. For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.”
Aunt Jemima: “Look, if you want less syrup, just say ‘when’ earlier next time. Good Lord.”

“grope-a-thon”

This is what would happen if PBS and The Spice Channel ever came under the same ownership.

“the five people you meet in Costco”

See, now THIS is a book I’d buy. None of this corny Mitch Albom crap. I’m so pumped about this I’m off to write the follow-up: “Tuesdays with Morrissey”.

“how could the slogan for the asians to be justified for the japanese’s motives/actions?

Um..uh…er, I…don’t know? Oh look, a unicorn! *runs away*

“superbowl and first player to score a touchdown”

So, mildly amusing story: when I was born, my father wanted to name me Max. After all, Max McGee caught the first touchdown in Super Bowl history, so naturally, my dad thought my name should be Max. All the guys reading this are thinking, “Right on.” My mother, on the other hand, thought this a less than compelling reason to name me “Max”, and, as such, Ryan it is.

(Interesting footnote I found out later: Max was hung over during that Super Bowl. He was fall down drunk the night before, and came in around 6 am, since he was a backup who didn’t expect to play. Well, the first stringer gets injured in the first quarter, Max steps in, and scores two touchdowns overall in the Packers’ victory. I should have been named Max. Way too many similar incidents in my own life, if you can equate “catch a touchdown in the Super Bowl” with “run and make the Red Line just as it’s pulling away”. I understand how many of you can’t equate the two, but then again, you’ve never been stuck at Kendall Square waiting for the next Red Line to come after watching another train pull away in front of your moistened eyes. Trust me, the two are similiar.)

“ryan mcgee wine”

The two just go hand in hand, don’t they?

When I’m rich and famous, I’m totally developing my own wine. I’ll be like the next Robert Mondavi, the next Greg Norman, the next Bartles and/or James. And on the back, where it describes the flavors within, it won’t use wussy phrases like “hints of jasmine” or “insouciant finish”, but instead use phrases like, “will rip the hair off your back and shove it in clumpfuls down your throat”. Not enough uber-masculine wines on the market, I feel. This is a niche waiting to be exploited.

“text song the only one six o clock or 6 o clock what to do every day we didn’t explication or explications uh”

Friends don’t let friends Google drunk.

“the bard of avon radio”

“Verily, this is the Bard, coming to you live from the studio. Ere the hour is over, we shall hear Akon’s sonnet, “Smack That”, followed by those balladeers Fall Out Boy. Anon, thou shalt hear me prank Christopher Marlowe during his rehearsal over at The Rose. But first, I have a request here from…well, she only calls herself ‘The Dark Lady’, but she sure brightens up my nights with her missives.”

(I spent way too much time on that paragraph.)

“no one wants to date you”

Clearly.