Wading in the Velvet Sea

Something today did spark an idea for the blog tonight, though, and it’s got nothing to do with the wedding, so, rejoice, y’all. Breathe a sigh of relief. And then realize that I’m about to talk about five women who aren’t my wife to be. Doesn’t mean I’ve got cold feet or a wandering eye or a pending restraining order from a female-to-be-named-later, but I’m a firm believer in appreciating more than one person at a time, especially when the “other” is someone I’ve never met nor will ever meet.

That’s why I periodically list my “Top Five” on the sight (from the “Friends” episode where they come up with celebrity lists of people they are “allowed” to hook up with without fear of recrimination from their partner), coupled with my own two inventions: the Reverse 5 (celebs that you’d walk in on hooking up with your partner, but while you’re initially angry, eventually accept and perhaps even gloat about to your friends later), and the Anti 5 (you walk in, see them snogging your partner, and find the nearest gun to shoot yourself in the face rather than live with the shame).

Good lists, all, but all dealing on a pretty primal level. All deal primarily with the idea of the celebrities involved, more so than actual knowledge of their real character. It’s shallow, but that’s what makes it fun. Because if any of these games are played using people you know, the game falls apart, tears are shed, and police are called. If The Girl were to ask me for my Top 5 and somewhere on that list, “your cousin” appeared, well, I’d be rightly booted in the ass.

Only makes sense to keep these things out of the personal sphere. Makes things easier that way, and separates those feelings from the “real” ones I have with the person with whom I cohabitate. I have no illusion that the majority of my Top 5 is based on the idea of that person, coupled with maybe more than a few fan-fic scenarios that exist only in my head and will stay there until the day I die or receive blunt trauma to the head.

But today, I started to think about a different top 5. A top 5 that rated girls not merely on their looks/sex appeal, but how their intellect makes them sexy in my eyes as well. It’s not to say that I don’t think Eliza Dushku is smart’ I just have no basis for that statement. Seems nice enough, and sexy as hell, but I’ve found no evidence to indicate her intelligence either way. Jennifer Garner was my #1 for about 2 years, but then I discovered that in actually Sydney Bristow (her character on “Alias”) was my #1 when I caught an interview on E! Watching that interview rates as one of the three most depressing experiences of my life. The girl couldn’t put together a complete sentence. Took my libido roughy 3 months to recover from that. (That’s my excuse for while I was dateless for that long, and I’m sticking to it, damnit.)

So, with all that said, here’s the current Top 5, “SmartSexy” style. All five have demonstrated substance as well as style, a sexy combo for sure. I’ve omitted Sarah Silverman from this list, because while I find her both stunningly attractive and comedically brilliant, I’d sooner run into Mike Tyson in a dark alley than run into Sarah Silverman in my bedroom. I have a feeling the former incident would cause less long-term damage. I could always heal from the ass-whupping Mike would lay on me, but I’m not sure if I could handle failing Sarah’s needs and ending up the subject of a ten-minute piece in her next special.

Onto the list…

Kate Winslet

The Number 1 on my regular Top 5 is my number one again here. Phenomenal talent, a knack for picking great scripts (aside from “The Holiday”, which I’ll pretend never happened), and sued a magazine for falsely printing she was on a diet just to ensure that her younger, female fans knew it was OK to not starve yourself to look like a Hollywood starlet. Also doesn’t hurt that there’s a little bit of Clementine from “Eternal Sunshine” in everyone I’ve ever dated.

Tina Fey

I enjoyed her tremendously on “Weekend Update” back in her SNL days, loved the “Mean Girls” script, and find myself licking the screen whenever she’s on-screen in “30 Rock”, possibly the best comedy on TV now (neck and neck with “The Office”). Every interview I’ve ever read (include this week’s issue of “Entertainment Weekly”) of hers leaves me thinking, a la Rick Springfield, “I wish I had Tina Fey’s husband’s girl/Why can’t I find a mutli-talented, who cares if she has a scar, it really only maker her hotter, girl like that?”

Shirley Manson

Best female fronting a rock band ever. Clever, insightful lyrics. A stage presence that made me melt as a college kid. Sent me spiraling into a red-headed goth phase I’ve never quite recovered from. Third only because she went through a blonde period that shattered me (one of the two things worse than the Jennifer Garner interview…the other involved jello…it’s best not to ask too many questions…) The Girl does an insanely good cover of “Only Happy When It Rains” when we go out for karaoke. And I gave her a ring. Coincidence? I think not.

Julie Delpy

Starred in two of my favorite movies of all time, “Before Sunrise” and “Before Sunset”, and co-wrote the latter. I’ve watched each movie maybe 25 times, and am ceaselessly fascinated by watching her THINK in these movies, how what she says and what she means is constantly at odds, and the depth to her character in these two films. Watch her “be” Nina Simone in the latter film and not fall for her. Go on, try.

Amalie Benjamin

A name many of you won’t recognize. She’s a beat reporter for the Boston Globe, focusing at the present time on the Boston Red Sox. To be honest, I’ve never seen a picture of her. But today, I was following the Sox game online, only to find out that in the 8th inning of a then 14-1 blow-out, a Sox pitcher got ejected, along with the manager, after hitting an opposing batter. I couldn’t figure out what happened. Popped over to the Globe’s “Extra Bases” blog, where five minutes later she posted an article stating the history of bad blood between the Sox pitcher and an opposing player. Sonofabitch, that was sexy of her.

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Anywho, that’s my least. Assuming this list doesn’t get me thrown out of the house, I’ll be back tomorrow with my weekly “Lost” review.

In the meantime, feel free to leave any “SmartSexy” candidates below. This internet be for sharin’, y’all…